Pokemon Delta Emerald Nuzlocke
by ThreeGuysAndAPen
Summary: Pokemon. They die in this world. A world full of hate, murder and hopelessness. Two teams war for dominion over the land and sea. Three trainers begin their journey and are caught in between. Fourth wall breaks and Arceus become the least of their worries. Rated T just in case.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! Now as you probably saw from the title, this is a Nuzlocke challenge! Three authors are taking part in it and shall be taking turns writing chapters!**

**If you've read Fire Emblem: Tales of the Amazingly Stupid, that's sort of the premise. Wall breaks and all that.**

**I'm going first~! Name's Thoaria!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter One: Thoaria<strong>

We had just landed in Hoenn. The plane ride was long and grueling. No entertainment, just Dad talking about his stupid gym. It's always his GYM. Okay...That's a bit bratty, I know. I love him to death, but if I hear another word about his gym or Pokemon, I'll flip.

And now I was bootlegged to the back of the moving truck with the stupid Machokes and familiar smelling stuff. Sigh. I'm like a forgotten middle child to Dad when his Pokemon are around. Like Good-Thoaria….That stupid Vigoroth.

"Thoaria! We're here!" I heard Mom call from outside the truck.

_No, the jarring stop that launched me at the wall was caused by Arceus!_

Nevertheless, I made my way out of the truck. Actually. Scratch that. The Machokes thought I was a box and threw me out. I landed face down in the dirt in front of Mom.

"Dear! I can't believe we're already here in Hoenn!"

_Good to know you're concerned about me..._

"Why don't you go upstairs and set the clock your Dad bought you?"

_We're still outside! And I'm possibly crippled! How on earth-_

My surroundings changed as I magically appeared in my new room.

_Huh. Plot convenience._

I walked up to the clock and it flashed like it was a computer screen.

"_Checking time on 3DS~~~~~~~~"_

"Dafuq?" I thought aloud, "I don't even have my 3DS in here yet…"

"HONEY!" Mom yelled from downstairs. "OMFG! LOOK AT THE TV! YOUR DAD'S ON!"

As if possessed, I really couldn't control myself, I ran downstairs and looked at the TV, which quickly switched from Dad to some old, pedophile newscaster.

"Next week check out the news on when the Mossdeep Star Show will take place depending on how fast it takes you to complete the game **or die**."

_Well, that's not disturbing. Or grammatically correct..._

"HONEY! GO SEE THE NEIGHBORS! LIKE BREAK INTO THEIR HOUSE AND STEAL STUFF! AND SEARCH THE CLOSETS FOR SKELETONS! WE NEED POKER MONEY!"

"GODS! I'm right here, Mom! No need to yell!"

"BYE, HONEY!"

And with that I was magically transported to the neighbor's front lawn. Convenient? I think not...I have to break into this family's house.

With that, I kicked down the door and waited for someone to answer. I felt really awkward here. Is this what a burglar feels like?

As soon as the door opened I tackled the lady on the other side to the floor, knocking her out. I don't care who she is, but she seemed nice. Oh, well.

I ran over to a table, broke a piggy bank, ran to a closet, opened it and found a….Pokemon? It was a Torchic. It's beak was gagged and its feet were bound by rope. Next to it was a Pokeball.

"Oh, girl, what happened to you?" I said as I pulled off the duct tape and undid the ropes.

"Tor!" She chirped….

"Do want to join my cult?"

"Chic!"

"Hell, yes!"

I took the Pokeball and tapped it to her head and you know...she went in?

"I shall call you Starfire and we shall conquer the world together!"

A she-man popped out of nowhere, "Yes! World domination is my, Soren's, goal!" before disappearing again.

Little did I know that that was only beginning.

With the first floor cleared, I moved to the second floor, not being bothered by the lack of beds in this house. As I reached the top of the stairs, I saw another girl.

She was shorter than any human had the right to be, with black hair and brownish-black eyes. On her desk was a Treecko and a computer, as well as dozens of pictures of a cute little green-haired kid. In her hand was a notepad with words scratched into the paper. I couldn't really see it, but I could make out these words:

_Go to Petalburg _

_Kidnap Meet Wally_

Kidnap was crossed out.

"Eh? Who are you? Are you the stripper gram my dad ordered? He's at the lab," she said, bored.

"Uhh...No. I'm your new neighbor who broke into your house, knocked out your Mom, stole the money from your piggy bank and this Torchic that was locked up in the closet!" I held Starfire by the neck as I said this.

The girl muttered in response, "Kinky…" She looked at her Treecko briefly. "Oh well. Hibiscus, pound her."

Hibiscus looked at her trainer in confusion. "Treecko?"

Meanwhile, I yelled like a loon. "AHH! RAPE! RAPE!"

"It'd be rape if you didn't want it," she replied. "My name's Dusty."

I simply glared back at her. "Thoaria Fedelta...Nice to meet you…"

"Is it? I mean, I don't really find this situation pleasant. Weirdo."

"I see why you'd think that...So, I heard you could hook me up with a Pokedex to register for the League at the Pokemon Center in Oldale."

_I did? Huh...didn't know that._

"Wow, you have generic dreams. Don't you have anything better to do than fantasize? Any plans beyond breaking into someone's house and committing a number of crimes? I calculate you have about a 0.013 chance of making it."

"Actually, my dream isn't generic at all. I want to fight the baddies that terrorize this world! You know the ones that want to expand land, but two weeks later the ocean increases in size to balance out the increase in land mass and the land leader's like "AWE FUCK" and the sea leader's like "DEAL WITH IT" and then Arceus comes down and summons Groudon and Kyogre-"

What interrupted me was a light shining from the heavens as if to beckon the coming of a great g-

"She wants a reverse harem…" Arceus whispered majestically before vanishing.

"Plot spoilers!" Dusty said cheerfully. "Besides, every kid nowadays think they can do that. It's all because of Ash Ketchum and the Pokemon anime."

"Okay, first of all," I replied."we're older than that bitch by like, five years. So that stuff doesn't apply to us. Technically, he's still in Pallet Town fucking his mom."

"I'm fourteen. So four years. Where's your proof he's doing incentous acts? He's just a cash grab for the producers."

"It was a joke! Don't take it literally! Plus, his mom is the only one who loves him."

"Point taken. Hey, if you have Torchic, we just need someone to take Mudkip."

Just then a voice called from downstairs, "HEY! I need help with field work!"

Dusty sighed and said, "UGHHH! Dad only ever wants help with field work. He never wants to spend quality time with me…." before going down the stairs, muttering something about dildoes...

I took that as a get out and ran down the stairs and outside. And that's when I heard a scream…

Huh...Sounds like Dusty's voice was put into a weird voice maker...Like it was deeper. Like a dude.

I ran to the source and saw the Prof being chased by a Poochyena. It finally cornered him and looked like it was about to bite his dick off. Smart Pokemon.

"H-HELP ME! THIS POKEMON THINKS I'M A HIPSTER WITH FAMILY PROBLEMS!"

_That's because you are…._

I sighed and sent out Starfire. "Starfire! Ember it's shit!"

It then died. Like dead. No coming back. It was a pile of ash.

And then he thanked me...Yada yada yada.

He then demanded I go see his kid on Route 103! Geez! Talk about tyrannical!

Anyway, I did and she was standing over this other bumpkin. Who was shirtless...There were also tons of Poochyena corpses around him. Poor Poochies!

Oh, he's awake…

"Wha- Who are you guys?" he asked

"Cultists," I replied, "Now join us very underdressed person."

Dusty looked confused. "I'm a cultist? I guess I am! Ha ha!"

The guy on the ground just stared at us wide eyed.

He had short cropped blonde hair, blue eyes and was slightly muscular.

"I want to dissect something…" Dusty muttered as we both stared at her.

I sighed. "My neighbor's a creep…."

Dusty gave us a shiteating grin. "I'm very proud of that fact. I try."

"That says more about you than me," the new guy said.

"Um…" I said. "What's your name, person?"

"Noah," Noah said, "Do you have a shirt? It is getting kinda cold."

"Have this adorable pink one!" Dusty started. "Lookie at the frills and lace and ruffles and bows-"

I interrupted her. "I'm sure you can borrow something from _Dad_…..Like...Tracksuits. He has an abundance of those.."

"How tall is your dad?" Noah asked.

I was about to reply, but Dusty did instead, "My dad is short and pudgy. I help with the fieldwork. Child labor, see? He's weird like me. All tall people are the same.**"**

"I was talking to the other one."

"Thank you!" I threw my hands in the air. "He's...pretty tall. I have to get this from somewhere." He then stood and towered over me by, like, seven inches. I shrunk where I stood. "….Guess you're stuck walking around shirtless…"

"I guess I can go with the Grey look."

The fourth wall shakes violently in the distance.

Dusty muttered, "It's for da ladies. But I prefer dorks and nerds. Remember that one asshole I used to be in love with? I hope he remembers what it felt like when I kicked him where it hurts. Oops, no one knows what I'm talking about."

I sighed for the umpteenth time because that's all I do. "No...I will sew it myself. That's a dangerous weapon."

"I can just go to the Pokemart…" Noah mumbled.

I started, "Maybe you'll get it for free...If the salesman is-"

"Female?"

"I was going to say gay. We only have _male_ clerks in the Pokemarts. The females are only in that Lilycove Dept. Store…Because reasons."

"Oh…"

"Hey, want a free Pokemon? Dad is getting lazy again," Dusty blurted out.

"Sure!"

"Bag him and take him to the base!" I yelled.

"Watt?!"

"Ha ha...Nothing!" I said before muttering, "Dusty! Attack!"

Dusty smirked and readied a baseball bat. "I enjoy the simple things in life. Like how much this is going to hurt!"

*Homerun bat sound effect*

"Now what?" she asked.

* * *

><p>Birch just stared and sighed as we entered the lab.<p>

"Who'd you abduct this time?"

Dusty gestured toward the bodybag. "Random kid off the side of Route 103," and then proceeded to empty it.

"Why's he shirtless, dear?"

"No idea. Maybe he was attacked by rabid fangirls."

Birch and I simultaneously yelled. "What?!"

The fourth wall crumbles.

Dusty screamed. "Shit! Patch up the fourth wall!"

Noah began to stir as the fourth wall was patched up.

Dusty grabbed the bat again. "Should I? Hitting things is fun!"

Birch looked her oddly. "Dusty, we discussed this. No more baseball bats in the lab."

"Just because I caused mass destruction and almost burned down the town doesn't mean I can't use baseball bats. Hockey stick, then?"

This conversation was getting boring fast. So I interrupted.

"Prof. Bitch!"

"It's Birch…" He grumbled as if this wasn't the first time.

"Right….Prof. Bitch! We need Mudkip for our newest cult member!"

Birch seemed to pale a bit. "...Cult?"

"Yeah, our Nuzlocke Cult."

Dusty thought for a moment before pointing at her dad accusingly. "Dad, our last name sucks. Everyone messes it up on purpose. EVERYONE. You have no taste. Or understanding of the modern world."

Noah stirred again causing me to yell. "It's alive~!"

Dusty raised her bat again. "Not for long! I need a new test subject!" She swung the bat, but it didn't do much since Noah awoke and caught it mid-swing. How convenient. "He has moves. I like him. He's interesting."

"Never again," Noah deadpanned.

"Welcome, newcomer," I said. "Welcome to the dark side. We have cookies."

"And free baseball bats," Dusty added. "And Pokemon."

Noah looked away in thought, "Tell me.." He started. "Do Pokemon die in this world?"

Prof. Bitch seemed really confused. "Don't they die in all worlds?"

"Nuzlocke rules then? Just checking."

Dusty audibly sighed. "Stop breaking the fourth wall. We just fixed it."

The fourth wall breaks.

"Look what you did!" Dusty exclaimed as I let out a really long sigh.

"Our writers are insane," Noah remarked.

Dusty nodded. "Seriously. The fourth wall keeps on breaking all the time. Dad, you're cheap."

I nodded as well and went into complete nerd mode. "I think we just need a new one. Maybe that expensive purple crystal shit in Clash of Clans?"

The wall dissolves.

"I don't even play Clash of Clans. Now the references are running wild," Dusty said.

Noah looked up and seemed to shout to the heavens. "What next? Will Arceus come out of the sky?"

Arceus did indeed. "For fuck's sake. Stop. Or I'm going to have to call Mystical Man on you! Imagine that, but with Cyborg's voice," A silence followed. "Peace out, bitches."

We all just stared wide eyed as Arceus disappeared.

Dusty looked around the room awkwardly. "Welp, just hand him the Mudkip."

Birch gave Noah a "Whatever" and handed him the Pokeball.

Noah looked down at the Pokeball and said, "I will call you Muddbutt."

Dusty looked around the room again. "Cute...But, uh, shouldn't the surviving Poochyena have come after us by now? No? Then let's head off to Petalburg so I c-"

A Poochyena poofed into the room and ran at us as Dusty yelled, "Called it!"

Noah simply walked up and punted it. Walked up. And punted it.

"Let's go."

"WAIT!" I yelled. "We can't forget Carl!"

"As in the bratty kid from the Walking Dead?" Noah asked.

"No! The Imaginary Kangaroo from Parental Guidance!"

"The fourth wall remains broken," Dusty deadpanned.

"Just leave it. I have a feeling it will wreck in five minutes anyway," Noah stated.

"Right! Off to Petalburg!"

"Um...What are your names?" He asked.

"I'm Dusty. Professor's kid, and all that jazz. Comes with free knowledge and cookies."

"Thoaria Fedelta. I just moved here from Johto with my Gymleader Dad, who only pays attention to Good-Thoaria, and my Mom," I said.

"We really should never repair the fourth wall," Noah said.

"Fine. But let's move on to Petalburg. Hey, this makes Thoaria my rival. Thanks Dad, for never telling me about anything that goes on in your personal life," Dusty said.

I shook my head. "Bitch, please. I'm no one's rival. I'm elusive. I am the Night! I am Bat-"

Noah interrupted. "Lies."

"That's right!" Dusty said. "I'm Batman!"

"How many people have dead parents?" Noah asked raising his hand.

Birch raised his hand halfway and we all turned a stared at him.

"Does Dusty's real mom count?"

"WHAT?!"

I cleared my throat. "I just said..." I paused and coughed. "Wow, that's...really…."

"Sad?" She asked. "Boo hoo, poor Noah? I'm not going to give you any pity passes."

"Just forget I said anything," Noah stated.

"Okay, Bruce!" I saluted.

* * *

><p>"Are Brendan and May here?" Noah asked after a while. "Or are we replacing them?"<p>

"Yup, I believe we are," Dusty replied. "Here we are, Route 1-0 something."

"Who has Pokeballs? We can catch something here!"

"Usually the Prof's kid has some."

"Well? Do you?"

"Ha ha! No."

"Yo, Arceus!" I shouted, "Give us some of your balls!"

Arceus appeared again. "Fuck you guys. I'm out. Peace!"

"Why does Arceus sound like Jwittz?" Noah asked.

I shrugged before hearing a twig snap. This sudden event caused me to jump up and look around wildly.

"Where'd Bitch go?" I asked, apparently not noticing the scene change.

"Dad?" Dusty asked before pointing around us at the town. "We had a spontaneous scene change with no transition to tell you what happened. And here comes another one! There's a Pokemart."

We entered the mart and Noah ran towards the clothes aisle. "FINALLY, A SHIRT!"

"You don't need a shirt," Dusty said. "Remember? Eye candy for da ladies."

"What about Wally?" Noah asked.

"...Get a shirt on."

"That's better for you. You don't want hypothermia," I said. "The ladies didn't need it. Unless we rob the museum in Slateport."

_What? I'm not that type of gal…._

"I'm going to buy stuff," Dusty said. "We better have a random scene change so I can see Wally soon."

"I am going to buy Pokeballs," Noah predicted. "I have a feeling a plot convenience catch is coming up."

"I'm going to buy a book!" I was met with a silence that was interrupted by a random Old Navy employee. Because Old Navy employees work at Pokemarts.

"NERD!" Yelled the very annoying Old Navy employee. What's this? The _Sony_ store? They bother you so much there!

"Percy Jackson?" Noah asked.

Dusty jumped up happily. "I love books. Stitching Snow by R.C Lewis is my current craze!"

"Hell, yes!" I said, fangirling over Riordan's works. "Gotta get that daily dose of Percabeth, Cleo, Rico-"

"We didn't need that fourth wall anyway," Noah said for the friggin umpteenth time! We know, dude. We know.

"Bye, friends," Dusty struck a pose before taking off down the halls. "Pokemart, away!"

Noah sighed, turned to me and asked, "Does she even have money?"

I nodded and pulled pictures from my weird butt-bag-thing, "She took tons~ of pics while you were unconscious! I'm pretty sure she has enough. Even if she wanted to pursue a career as...I dunno...a molester? Nah...That's totes not a good one."

Noah shrugged. "I guess those are as good as currency with females and gay people."

"You mean with the-Never mind. I don't get any of this jazz…."

"I will buy a shirt now-"

"Thanks for the play by play." I interrupted.

"...and some balls."

"You don't have any?"

"That isn't what I meant," he said through gritted teeth.

"I'm BAAACK!" Dusty interrupted as she fell out of the sky with a shopping bag full of stuff. "I got Pokeballs...And I bought Noah a lovely baby pink shirt with ruffles, frills, lace, silk and-"

"Or…" Noah interrupted the interruption. "I can wear a shirt I found in my bag."

I pursed my lips. "You had that the whole time?!"

"I guess…?" Noah shrugged again. "Like you said; girls like their eye candy."

"I didn't-Oh, right. Yes, I guess I did…"

* * *

><p>Dusty pointed at a sign and then to the route that followed. "Approaching route near Petalburg!"<p>

"_Now_ we can catch a Pokemon…." The verdant green bushes rustled and out came three Raltsi...How convenient…. "A RALTS! AGWBNFCDGNGVDTHDGBDGGFSVJDVNHFHMRYFHTNJFGHFJBTRDGYJGHFYMJTHDNVBJKNR!"

Dusty fistpumped and fiddled with her DexNav….Oh, yeah. That's a thing, "Oh. My. Gods. Three Ralts, with perfect IVs and Ev trained!"

_How CONVENIENT!_

"Doubtful…." Noah muttered as I set my sights on one of them.

"All right! Showtime! Starfire, laser eyes!" I pointed at the Ralts for effect. Because Phoenix Wright.

Starfire simply chirped, but to me it sounded like "Dafuq, bro?!"

Really? Please? Just once? "Tch...Ember!"

"Muddbutt! Squirt water in her face!" Noah yelled as Muddbutt squirted a pathetic water gun from his mouth.

Dusty shook her head, "I don't care! It's legit, these Ralts! Hibiscus! A little tail whippin' action please!"

"That would be using Iron Tail!" I warned. "You'd kill it instantly. Steel is strong against Fairy Types!"

"In my world," Dusty pulled some cool shades from her pocket and put them on. "It works," She looked down at HIbiscus. "Just slap it with what your mother gave ya!"

"Don't run away!" Noah called after the very timid and shy Ralts he was attempting to capture. "I just want to stuff you in a little ball and make you fight to the death!"

"Metal capturing device!" I yelled as thunder boomed in the distance. "Go! Confine this Pokemon and strip it of it's freedom!"

"What?" Dusty looked at us weirdly before smiling. "I want a _catch_phrase too. Uh...Pokeball! Go!"

We all successfully caught the Raltsi. How convenient.

Noah immediately let his out.

"Your name is...Olivia."

"R-r-r-ralts?"

Okay. Can we all take a moment to process how cute that was? Awe, like...Awe! I can't even…*cough* Need to regain that composure.

I looked at my own Ralts, trying not to gush… "Your name is Raven, cutie!" Everyone stared at me as I glared back.

Raven looked away, donning a purple cloak and this really creepy book, that I could only assume was a hit list. I hope she isn't silently plotting everyone's death.

"You're so cute!" Dusty patted hers on the head affectionately. "Wanna fight to the death with me? Hehe...It'll be painful! You are now named Ree!"

"Ralts!"

I looked at all three Raltsi. "These Raltsi are ours!"

"It's Raltses, ya bimbo!" Some random person yelled. My bet's on the Old Navy employee…

"We call them Raltsi for reasons!"

"Yeah!" Noah cheered. "Now we have to grind them until they know a damaging move!"

"Pretty sure they can learn Confusion at level four now…." Dusty muttered.

"Mine came with Shadow Sneak, ha!" I said as I looked at my Pokedex, "No growl-Zigzagoons are everywhere. Frick."

"Huh… Shadow ball? COOL!" Noah said, look at his own Dex. That he for some reason had….? When'd he get that?

"I'm going to meet Norman so I can see Wally now," Dusty sang. "Bye, everyone! Or hurry up. It's only a few steps away~."

"Are we ending the chapter now?" Noah asked, arriving at the _conclusion_.

Arceus flew down from the great heavens once more, "Yup. Fuck the fans..."

"After all, I can author abuse this," I turned to the great Morgan Freeman to ask him to bestow his powers unto me, "right, Morgan Freeman?"

"Yes, yes, you can," He simply said as he sat down to play some quality Smash Bros. with "Zippy the Hedgehog", whoever that is.

Noah's eyes widened as this unfolded.

Dusty just simply ended with these wonderful words…..

"You can't question it…."

* * *

><p><strong>Well, that's the first chapter done! If you need help getting everyone's appearance, that'll be below.<strong>

APPEARANCES

**Dusty**: Ridiclously Short. Asian. Black brownish eyes and trying to grow my slightly curly black hair. Past mid shoulder and poofs up in humidity. Thin. Almost five foot! ALMOST DAMMIT! Jeans, sweaters and sneakers forever! Some sort of jacket is always on me. My favorite is the long gray one. Glasses. Totally the youngest and most insane. Catchphrase: Don't question it! Wally is my hubby.

Chocolate for life! Scratch that, FOOD FOREVER. Not athletic, except swimming and some running. Artistic instead. So flute, drawing, writing, reading and instruments (Flute and violin). Yay! I may not be the best but I hope to improve! Loud, crazy and blunt unless someone else is. Then I'm shy and conservative! Cute stuff is great! Hate the dark, being alone and spdiers! I'm dirty minded, too! I wish I was loyal to the end. But I look out for myself first of all. Lazy and big ego. Sometimes.

**Noah**: tall (6 foot 6), short cropped blonde hair, blue eyes, slightly muscular. Keeps clothes conservative. Usually seen wearing a green baseball cap. Might be the sanest one in the group. (That is not saying much.) He has the best Nuzlocke record of the group (13-2) and prefers it over normal gameplay. Can play the Guitar, sing, and is not afraid to go on stage. Has slight PTSD from watching his parents die, but nothing too dehabilatating.

**Thoaria**: 5" 8 ½' Wears same clothes as may except they're blue and black instead of red, has Brendan's hat and blue Pokemon Ranger boots like from Pokemon Ranger: Shadows of Almia. Brown hair, slightly curly, shoulder length . Brown eyes, wish they blue...Makes many references, rambles, calls upon Arceus and Morgan Freeman, hot headed, sarcastic, blunt, smart, tomboy, slightly athletic (volleyball/swimming), plays flute, has a one-up problem, egotistical if provoked, reading, hates chocolate. TERRIFIED OF THE DARK. Not any of that petty, stereotypical girl shit...In desperate need of the cuss word soap.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey, so it's DustedwithStars, or Dusty! It's my turn to write this time, so enjoy. This is just a big pile of fun, fluffy shit right now. And this is before the plot twists. I have no idea how we even came up with the plot twists..._

We stepped off route 1-0- something with our newly caught, perfect IVs and EV trained Ralts, and instantly the music changed to Petalburg's tune. Wait, what music?

The smell of fireplace smoke lingered in the air. Lush beds of grass cut by dirt paths, and patches of bright yellow and cool blue flowers, stretching their heads towards the sun, created a patchwork for the ground of Petalburg. There were a few sparse, simple wooden houses making this a city, and pools with water so blue it was almost white, reflecting back our images with perfect clarity.

I tied my poofy black hair back, a curly mess now, walking a few steps closer to a pond so I was taller than Noah, with his hair shorn so much you could only see it when the sun shone directly on it and his very well defined muscles that could be considered attractive if he wasn't such a weirdo. Thoaria had a mismatch of clothes from all across the games, and deep brown eyes she wished were blue, and stuck out her tongue at me. The Gym loomed above us, a little shabby, with scratches on the roof, and walls that needed repainting.

We stepped into the Gym, to see my hubby, Wally. There was something off about him, though. Maybe it was the swagger in his step, and the way he wasn't shyly hunching his shoulders anymore. There was also Norman, the jackass father, with Good-Thoaria by his side.

"It's Wally!" I yelled at my friends (?), who were entering the Gym. "And Thoaria, look, it's your dad!"

Thoaria sighed. "Hey... Dad..."

Norman pouted, sticking out his lower lip like a little girl. "I always liked good Thoaria better." He hugged his Vigoroth.

"Your dad is an ass," Noah remarked.

"It's obviously hereditary!" Wally piped up, flashing an easy going smile. Girls everywhere instantly crossed their arms over their chests. "Dayum girl!"

"Dafaq?!" Thoaria screeched. "How is that a relevant response, you skinny she-woman?!"

"Why is Wally a womanizer?! Where's my cute, shy, sickly, always-tries-his best Wally?! Authors, really?" I didn't print all those pictures and frame them on my desk for nothing. And stalk him using my Dex Nav and the internet...

"It is legitimate if I want it to be. I'm sick; I want things no little boy should know about, like dat ass."

"And my foot in your crotch," I muttered. Wasn't the first time I'd kicked that place. Wouldn't be the last, either.

"Kinky," he whistled.

"Not like that!" I spluttered. "I was implying I would" -I realized it would be worse if I continued that sentence and veered off track- "Dammit, where's the real Wally?"

"I know you want it," Wally sang. The fourth wall flickered and gave up. "You're a good girl~!"

"Norman, why is Wally here? Isn't this the part where he needs help catching a Pokémon?"

"I was going to set up my daughter...," he explained. Hell no. Thoaria and this Wally thing?

"Oh, that is nice," she mumbled. Appreciate the sentiment, not your father's choice in guys.

"...Good-Thoaria," he continued.

"Fuck you, dad."

"Welcome to the asshole Father's Club," I announced proudly.

"At least she has a father," Noah said.

I stared at him. "I'm sorry to hit upon your inferiority complex. But is someone who treats you like shit actually that good?"

"It's better than nothing."

"There are worse things than nothing. Oblivion is both the beginning and end."

"That was really philosophical." Thoaria looked surprised, as if she didn't know I could think deeply.

"You know who else is a philosopher? My dick. It is constantly thinking about your pussies." Wally had to open his mouth.

"I want my Wally back," I said. "We need to do something about this problem."

"How about I castrate you?! How do you feel about that?!" Thoaria glared at him.

"Kinky," he replied, raising his eyebrows.

Right. I released my cute, world destroying Ralts. She was a female this time. "Ree, go! Confusion!"

Ree turned to Wally and momentarily purple light washed over everything, hiding the dingy wooden walls and casting long shadows over everyone's faces.

"That is surprisingly genius. He'll be confused about his actions and behave correctly."

"Don't underestimate me. I'm the prof's kid."

"The only thing I'm confused about is who I should make love to first!" Ree's attack hadn't even dented him. The pervert was at too much of a high level.

Noah was LHAO.

"Starfire~," Thoaria said sweetly. "I think some Ember is needed. Why don't you join the party as well, Raven? Confusion!"

"Oh, Hibiscus, Absorb~. Ree needs a friend to help her play with this asshole~."

"OOH," Wally said, just before he was hit with a barrage of attacks. "Pokephilia? Kinky..."

"And we're blasting off again! Because that's logical!" Wally and Team Rocket yelled, creating a hole in the Gym's roof.

"Don't question it. How is this asshole still alive?! Isn't he sick?!" I return Ree and Hibiscus to their Pokéballs.

"I don't know," Noah said, breath heaving and rolling on the floor.

"I miss the real Wally." I sighed.

"WOULD THE REAL WALLY PLEASE STAND UP?" Noah said grandly, finally forcing himself into a standing position.

Norman's Slaking raised its head from where it had been lounging with a grunt.

"His name is Good-Wally!" Norman said.

"Back off. I meant the human version. The one in the games."

"Well, I'm standing. But I'm not Wally," Noah told me.

Thoaria added, "I'm standing too... But I'm not either."

No dip, Sherlocks.

"I can be your Wally, little lady," Norman whispered, inching closer to where I stood.

"RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!" Noah screamed. That was my line! Oh well. I had others, too.

"You're friends with my dad, you pedophile," I retorted. "I'm fucking fourteen."

"I fuck fourteen too."

"Right. Ree, Confusion." Ree waved his arms and purple light surrounded Norman. He blinked.

"Why is my daughter giving me a hard on?"

Noah was out of commission by LHAO.

"Let's go, guys," I said.

"SHHHH!" Noah looked up at me in between bouts of laughter, trying to catch his breath. "I wanna see how Thoaria reacts."

"Die, mortal!" Lightning flashed around her, and rain whipped at us from the hole in the roof and the banging door. "I summon the power of thunder!"

Norman was blasted to a dark smear by thunder, a large, ashy pile replacing where he once was. There was an arcid tinge to the air, combined with the fresh scent that heralds the end of rain. Noah was open mouthed, gaping at the scene as the sun returned. Personally, I think blasting my dad to ashes is really cool.

"Well...I guess someone else will have to be the fifth gym leader. ...Looks like I have to! Inherited!" Thoaria held up a hammer triumphantly, cape fluttering behind her.

"I'm not dead," the pile of ash said. We turned to look at it. Norman rose from the ashes, recolored with soot. "Thank you, Good-Thoaria, that Wacan berry was helpful."

For those of you that don't know, Wacan berries weaken electricity's effects. The more you know~. "You might as well be dead," I said. "We like you better that way."

"I AM BACK!" Wally burst through the charred, splintered doorway.

"I used to adore you. Why are you even acting like this?" My creepy, insane meter was low. I had to refill at a bakery soon.

"I love all the ladies." Wally winked. I swore I saw Inigo and Virion in the background, proudly patting his shoulders. Inigo fingered the ring in his ear, and I glared at him before turning back to Wally.

"Well, I diagnose you're acting this way because you're scared of the fact you might die at any moment! That it's because you're lonely and you need a friend." Did I believe that? No idea. But I really needed some chocolate.

"Or I love all of the ladies and use that as an excuse to get laid."

"I refuse to believe it!" Because I was lovesick (doubtful) and this story needs angst and teenage drama. I might as well provide it. "I know you're good somewhere deep down."

"Or he is overcompensating for the fact he might be gay," Noah said thoughtfully, rubbing his chin.

"Noah, don't say that."

"Or maybe the Plegians are coming to murrduuuuur us!" This was from another girl who looked liked Thoaria, but had on the clothes of some sort of healer in some sort of game. She had randomly appeared in a poof of smoke.

"Wait, maybe Henry is with the Plegians?! We could murder people together!" Henry was my other adorable hubby.

"Wrong fic, Erin," Noah said.

"Shaddup." Erin gave me a doughnut, and I devoured it. Chocolate frosting and soft dough... Mm...

"Who are you? Why do we look the same?" Thoaria was reaching for my baseball bat, propped up on the Gym wall because of reasons.

"That is the question of the day, isn't it?" Erin vanishes, fading from view.

"My dick is confused," Wally inserts. "My head says it's wrong, but my dick says this is soooooo right!"

"You!" I point a finger at him. "Ree, Confusion! I'm helping you catch a Pokémon and maybe then we'll see a flicker of humanity in you!"

"You wanna fuck in the bushes, then?" Wally shrugged. "I'm game."

"No! You're getting a Ralts!" I grab my baseball bat and clonked him on the head until he passed out. Then using some Escape Rope, I quickly tied him up and dragged him away by his feet. His head snagged on pebbles and smudged with dirt as the others shrugged and Thoaria tried to summon the power of Arceus.

"Kinky," Wally murmured in his sleep. I dragged him to that route 1-0- Something and dumped him unceremoniously on the ground. Tailows chirped around us and the waist high grass rustled. A gentle breeze whispered to the trees and I sat down, savoring the warmth of the sun.

"It'll be fine, guys," I yelled to my friends (?) and Pokémon. I then turned my attention to the problem at hand. "Wake up, you."

"Wha-?" He looks up at me with a sleepy smile, grass casting shadows on his face. Aw, he looked sort of cute. "This is kinky. You're into this sort of stuff? I'm fine with it, as long as we switch positions later."

I stand. "THOARIA! I NEED TO BORROW STARFIRE!"

Thoaria trudged out of the Gym and stood in the doorway, grumpily sending out Starfire. "Burn his dick and make it wrinkly like an old dude's."

I consider it. "I would, but I think he's crazy enough to like that."

"That does sound good." Wally's voice drifted from below in the tall grass. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to stand up around him when he was laying on the ground like that. Thoaria turned and went back into the Gym, screaming about Morgan Freeman.

"Here's a Pokéball. We're in tall grass." Understatement. "Go walk around and if you run into something, catch it."

"If I run into you, will you become my Pokémon? I am a heavy hand with punishment." I sat down, and Wally shifted up to huddle uncomfortably close. I shoved him away.

"Dude how old are you?!"

"Thirteen."

"I'm fourteen, but you don't see me trying to get laid. Even if I am dirty minded."

"Well, only six months to live, remember?" He gave me sad, doleful eyes. What he said wasn't even canon!

"I'd feel sorry for you, but eh. Not when you use it as a pity card and act as if I should now down to you because of that." I stared into his eyes, trying to see if I could spot any sign of emotion. But you cannot read eyes like they say you can. Also, his had these small flecks of gold amidst the brown, and they distracted me. I've never noticed them there before. Wait, what?

"You should bow down, but while you're down there, could you suck my dick?"

"Seriously, what is wrong with you?!" I turn my head to see something emerge from the grass. Once again, it was a Ralts. Because of game logic. "Look, a Pokémon. Go catch it."

Wally was facing the opposite way and scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. "A little girl? That isn't a Pokémon. That is a one night stand."

"WHAT?!" I look at where Wally was facing to see a five year old with pigtails skipping down the dirt path with a Skitty. I want a Skitty. "NO! The Ralts over there. Here, let me help." Because you are incompetent and will mess it up like everything else.

"Could you help with something else? It's pretty hard," Wally mused.

In response, I place a Pokéball in his hand and kick his legs to force him to stand up. Grabbing his skinny little she-man arm, I raised it and threw the ball for him, Wally releasing it from his hand. He only catches the Ralts because of Deus ex Machina, and I swear I could see the Ralts shudder before it went in as it sensed Wally's thoughts.

"Only time a girl is ever going to touch you," I said thoughtfully.

"Good thing you aren't a girl." Oh, really? "You're a beautiful woman."

I smile. "I was going to slap you. Now I'm going to knee you in the stomach. My ego does feel inflated though."

"Kinky... That isn't the only thing that has been inflated."

I keep my smile on my face as I knee him just a touch shy above his crotch, and drag him back by his feet again. I'm pretty sure he didn't mind being dragged by me, so I threw him down more forcefully than needed once we were at the Gym.

"Right. We'll probably see you again." Mauville rival battle, anyone? "But be good, DON'T TRY TO GET LAID, and train your Ralts. What are you going to name it?" I added as an afterthought.

"Dusty. After the most beautiful woman I have ever met."

"Copycat," Noah accused him.

"Am I blushing?" I was feeling this weird tingle and heat in my cheeks. "Oh Gods, I'm blushing." I slapped Wally, leaving behind a red mark on his cheek. "Now I feel better."

"That usually works," he said, wincing.

"Seriously? Don't try to win me over with flattery... Wait, that makes it sound like you can win me over. Dammit. Guys, let's go."

"I will consider it the challenge of my short remaining lifespan! Get laid with Dusty!"

"I am fourteen, bitch. I haven't even kissed anyone!"

"I was always into older girls." Were you?

I plaster another smile on my face as I slap him on the other cheek, knee him in the stomach and drag my friends by their shirt collars to the route outside Petalburg.

"Goodbye, my love," Wally coughed out.

"I ship it," Noah said after we were far away enough. A thin strand of golden sand stretched before us, lush greenery shaded by trees on the other.

"What'd I miss?" Thoaria popped up out of nowhere, eating jelly doughnuts.

I took one from her as Noah said, "My new OTP at work."

I took out my cool shades and stared at him, arms crossed. "Shut up, Noah. Don't do anything stupid, like give him my number. ...Shit. I shouldn't have said that."

"I'm calling it Wusty," Thoaria announced. I snuck in another doughnut. "Cutieshipping..."

"Too late," Noah said, typing something into his phone.

"LOOK! PEEKO!" 'Cause everyone loved him, right?

Ring! Noah put it on speakerphone.

"STEVEN! LISIA! No?" I sighed.

"Did someone say ~Steven~?" I swear I see cartoon red and pink hearts around Thoaria. "The dreamboat champion of the Pokémon League? Son of the head of the Devon Corporation?"

"Here is the next OTP," Noah said gravely. He had placed his phone in his pockets, all thoughts of his first OTP gone.

"Yup." I wiggled my eyebrows. "When we go to Granite Cave... We're shipping you guys. Theven. Graniteshipping."

I finished off the last jelly doughnut as Noah said, "Lots of dark places in there."

"But they changed it in the remakes. We need the Mach Bike to actually...," I said. No one was listening.

"I'm not even going to be mad at this." Thoaria sighed dreamily, roses blooming around her sparkling face. "WAIT. ...NO. Don't OOC him authors, please!"

"Ship him with Lisia as revenge." I push my large, red framed glasses up my nose. It was his turn.

"Hell, yes!"

"I surprisingly don't care." Shit. Power of oblivious boy hormones. "Let's move on, shall we?"

"Autobots, roll out!" Thoaria disappeared through the entrance of Petalburg Woods.

Petalburg Woods was surprisingly boring. Just your usual scatter of trainers who we demolished for EXP, and by this time, we all had some Pokémon from some of the other routes, though I didn't really use them. But my Tailow died and Noah's Olivia had a close call with a critical hit. One look at Raven, though, caused everyone to run away screaming.

There was this one Team Aqua grunt bothering this scientist with an obsession with Shroomish. We had choice but to save him, and it was a pretty interesting event until he sent out a Poochyena. You'd think the evil teams would learn but no. Crappy Pokemon forever.

At least Petalburg Woods was pretty, with large trees towering everywhere, and designed with muted shades of green. Flowers clustered at the very corners, and the sun created shifting patterns on the forest floor.

"Hey, the flower shop. I'm going to get a Wailmer Pail." I opened the door, greeted by an explosion of colorful flowers at every angle. Petals, leaves and water covered the floor, berries grew near every available window seat and people yelled orders out. There were refrigerators for climate controlled flowers, and I saw a Wailmer Pail and some berries lying on the floor. I picked them up, shrugged, and walked away.

"Berry planting is equal to easy contest wins," Noah was explaining to thin air, Thoaria having disappeared for, hopefully, more doughnuts.

"That's not true! There's also the talent round which makes up the majority of the points, and how much hearts you can rack up, and some moves that require the..."

"The only reasons I did contests was to get some idol ass," Noah interrupts.

"I will slap you if you turn into Wally. And we haven't been to Slateport yet, so there's no way you could have participated."

"I swear that only happens with fictional girls that happen to be my waifu."

"Rightttt. Olivia?"

"Yeah."

"Don't try."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing! Hey, we should have almost reached Rustboro by now."

"Double battles up ahead!"

My phone rang, and I took it out and tapped on the screen. "... Noah, why does Wally have my number?"

"He seemed so pathetic! And he pulled the bro code!"

"You guys aren't even bros," Thoaria reminded him, appearing out of nowhere, handing me a Boston Creme.

"We kinda bonded over how much he obsessed over Lisia when he was younger. Use it to your advantage, Dusty."

"What advantage? And when does Wally look pathetic? And Lisia? Lisia?"

"All points of conversation, yes." Noah waved a hand at me, taking a strawberry doughnut with the other. "Get him off his balance."

I accepted the call, put it on speakerphone, and said, "Hi, Wally."

"Hello, beautiful."

"Lisia, huh?"

"Who told you that?!"

"And you aren't over it. How many times have you been to Slateport?"

"It was Verandenturf. And I may or may not masturbate to her picture. Want to watch?"

It wasn't important to worry about those sort of things and even him anymore. "I'm sorta disappointed. You actually made me like you a little. See ya. Thank Noah the next time you see him."

"WAIT!"

"Conversation: Over. Thoaria, Starfire."

"Seriously, that was a-"

"Ember! ~" Starfire chirped her approval as a small flame warped and melted the plastic and metal.

"I'm stupid. Now my phone is ruined!"

"I thought that would work better," Noah muttered, watching as I kicked the melted hunk into the river, where it vanished without a ripple.

"I'm not actually upset. ...maybe a little. But I dunno. I wanted to make him squirm a bit because of his actions," I admitted, watching the clouds drift by.

"Honestly, I did too."

"I SHIP IT!" Thoaria screamed. Was she shipping her Wusty or me and Noah?

"Hey look, Steven." Noah shaded his eyes from the glare of the sun.

"WHERE!?"

Noah rolled on the ground, dust collecting on his clothes as he LHAO.

"LISIA AND NOAH. NISIA. CONTESTSHIPPING. OOOHHH!" I yelled.

"Why?" Noah sat up.

"Even you need love~ SHIPS EVERYWHERE," Thoaria screamed.

"... You were just shipping me and Dusty a second ago..."

"THOARIA! We all know Noah belongs to Lisia."

"We all know how OOC everything is; how do we know Lisia and Steven won't be the same way?" Noah argued.

Morgan Freeman magic," I waved my hands as beds sang and rainbows sprouted from the ground.

"That's my thing!" Thoaria waved her hands and stopped my Morgan Freeman magic, bounding away.

"Uh, Noah?" We watched Thoaria bombard a random trainer with Raven and Starfire. "Can I ask you something? ... no, not that," I added as he began backing away slowly.

"Er... What?"

"It's not that either; you and Lisia forever. Was Wally, I dunno, ever a little genuine?"

"Genuine? He couldn't keep his eyes off of you."

"I need to rip out my heart. It's acting weirdly. Help me get a new one?" I sensed a but coming, and if my heart actually sped up for Wally... Damn.

"Of course, he was a little pervert, so that could mean anything." There was the but.

"True... Oh Gods, creepy thoughts. Eh, we'll see him in Mauville."

"Why am I still shipping Nusty?" Thoaria had returned from beating up the trainer.

"I don't care." Noah didn't care about anything involving ships.

"No, no," I insisted. "One moment you're all Wusty and then you're Nusty. Choose your ships. I refused to be shipped with Noah, by the way."

"I ship you will all the guys. Reverse harem, remember?"

"I have a reverse harem? Cool."

"So far, only Noah and Wally are in."

"The main girl always ends up with the jackass in the books. Nice guys finish last... Most of the time. Maybe we should change it to weak guys with no real motivation. They whine about how they have no chance, but they never do anything."

"I know what you mean," Noah said. By now, we were now sitting on the grassy bank of the river, watching the trainers watching us.

"I wonder if Wally really is over Lisia," I wondered. Noah and Thoaria shot each other understanding looks. "It's not like I'm jealous or I actually care. Shut up. I'm a tsundere now."

"I think he might be slightly confused," Noah added.

"I don't care about Wally. Who said I cared?" I turned my head away. "... Confused, how?"

"Sexually. He might be overcompensating with this posturing."

"R-right." I stare at him suspiciously. "I don't like the bro code. You're going to tell him everything."

"Like Thoaria said: We aren't bros."

"B-but!" That contradicts what you said before! You were lying to get one of your OTPs together?! "Rustboro City! Look! Let's go now, shall we?!"

"There are still trainers in the way." Noah said languidly.

"Shit."

"Most of them are female, right?"

"Yes..."

"You guys go on ahead. I'll distract them." Noah stood up and shrugged off his shirt, revealing a six pack (ew) and tanned skin. He jumped into the water, swimming lazily about on his backside, staring up at the sky.

"Shield your eyes. Cover your ears," Thoaria muttered to me as we started running past the crowd of female and gay trainers to the steel gates of Rustboro.

"I WANT HIM TO MAKE MY BABIES!" A random Lass yelled.

_ Welp, that's it! Stay tuned for chapter three. What did you guys think of this one? Our writing styles clash a lot but it's all part of the fun. _


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Hello people of the internet. 10,000 fucking words. Over 10,000. That is 3x longer than my longest chapter of ROTNG. I hope you guys are ready, because I wasn't lying when I said this is where shit gets real. I pretty much tried to forget the last two chapters ever happened as much as I could. I was kind of irritated with Dusty for not putting more of an emphasis on the death she had. Oh well. There is a reason why. I put a little more focus on a certain battle. That is just how I roll. That being said, I hope you enjoy my chapter.**

As the last of the horny trainers fell in battle, I looked across my team with pride. They had proved themselves worthy of being alive. Muddbutt the Mudkip, Olivia the Ralts, Icarus the Wingull, and Notica the Silcoon all leveled up significantly. We were sitting down for lunch, chomping down on berries. Olivia looked like she wanted to say something.

"What is it Olivia?" I asked her. She looked down at the Oran berry she was holding, then back up at me.

"R-ralts," she said. For some act of Arceus (Which I still don't understand) I can understand my Pokemon, but no one else's. Instead of telling you what they said, I will tell you as I understand it instead. She said:

"I-I can't believe we beat them all." Muddbutt looked up at her from his Pecha berry.

"Believe it!" And all the Naruto nerds groaned in agony. "Master is the best Master ever, and we will never lose!" Olivia blushed, showing her modest nature clearly.

"O-okay." She bobbed her head up and down, green hair waving in the slight wind.

The small ball of thread to the side of me, her Cheri berry untouched, spoke from within the confines of her shell.

"You all are idiots." she claimed, her droll voice visibly grating on Icarus' nerves as he chewed his berry with sudden ferocity.

"Hey! That isn't very nice!" Muddbutt headbutted the cocoon lightly.

"Notica is just jealous because she is useless," Icarus confided loudly to Olivia.

"What did you say? Say that again, I dare you."

"What are you going to do? Harden on me?"

"I have lots of uses!"

"Like?"

"Well..."

"HA!" Icarus crowed. "You can't think of anything!" I decided to break this up before it got violent.

"That's enough you two." I told them. Icarus landed on my shoulder, his favorite perch.

"Boss " he said, peering around at my face. "Why do we keep her around? She is useless and brings us down."

I smiled at him, and answered in the standard way I had answered it many times before.

"I believe every pokemon I catch has a purpose," I relayed to him, stroking his tiny head with one finger. "From the largest Tyranitar, to the smallest Magikarp." Muddbutt looked up at me in awe.

"That was so beautiful, Master!" he said. Olivia bobbed her head up and down a few more times.

"Yeah!" she agreed, then blushed when she realized she had said something.

"Eh, I guess I'll trust you boss." I checked the time. It was past time to leave.

"Time for us to leave, guys! Lunch break is over! Return!" Three lights dispersed three pokemon from the shores of the lake. Icarus resisted the call to nestle contentedly into the crook of my neck.

"Boss, how are the others going to react when they realize we're all level fifteen?" Icarus whispered in my ear. I smiled, and gently took him off my shoulder so he stood on my outstretched hand.

"Not all of us," I reminded him.

"Oops." He shifted from one foot to the other, preening his wings. "I forgot about miss level eight in there." He gestured at Notica's pokeball.

"Don't let her hear you say that," I chided him. "She may murder you."

"She's going to have to catch me first!" He laughed. "Oh, wait she doesn't have wings!"

"Get back in the Pokeball," I said firmly.

"Oh, alright." He spat a feather onto the ground. "But I don't like it."

I surveyed the carnage I had left behind. A pair of twins were mourning the loss of their Seedot, and another was unwrapping Zigzagoon intestines from a tree. This was a side to a Nuzlocke you never saw; how the other trainers' Pokemon ended up. They ended up as dead as yours. I shook my head, and walked into Rustboro city.

When I entered the crowded, bustling city, I looked around for the familiar faces of my partners.

"Dusty!" I called. "Thoaria!"

I looked down at the short Asian walking towards me with the impish grin that so easily found her face. She raised a hand as if she were telling me a secret.

"Thoaria is out of commision." She confided. "She, uh, you don't want to know." She gave me a big smile that made me suspect some sort of foul play.

"Don't I?" I mused, and the smile left her face to be replaced by a shady, nervous, lopsided grin. It was back a moment later.

"So!" She clapped her hands together once, spinning around. "What do we even do? I mean, there is a Gym, and the Tunnel coming up."

"What level are your Pokemon?" I asked her, hands clasped behind my back.

"Why does this feel so stalwart?" she asked no one in particular. "Must be a different writer. Anyway, my Pokemon." She tapped her chin in thought. "Hibiscus just evolved, and Ree is just one level away from doing the same." That meant at least two of her pokemon were higher leveled than mine. Icarus would be heartbroken. "The tunnel is connected to Verdanturf, right?" she asked, obviously thinking about Wally. I smiled at the thought of them together. They are so cute.

"Yeah." I scratched the back of my head. "But it's blocked off until we learn rock smash."

She gasped, a hand in front of her face. "Spoilers." She joked. "Seriously though…" A floating doughnut randomly appeared between us. "Look! A doughnut!"

I have never seen a doughnut disappear that fast. It's a wonder she isn't diabetic. Or fat, for that matter. A phone clipped to her belt began shaking violently. She must have bought it while I was being mobbed.

"Is your new phone vibrating?" She looked shocked to find it.

"A new phone? Huh. It is nice." She put her fingertips lightly on the shiny surface. "How did I get it?"

"Thank author powers who wanted a certain ship to sail," I relayed, grinning.

"Fuck you too." She answered the phone, putting it on speakerphone while simultaneously rolling her eyes. "Wally? Why am I not surprised?" As Wally spoke the following words in the most pathetic tone I have ever heard, Dusty looked only more and more shocked.

"Um... I wanted to apologize. I was acting like an idiot, because I was afraid I was going to die a virgin. Now that I realize that is a stupid fear, I am going to do my best to never philander again. You are the only one I am going to pursue. My personal challenge."

"Okay." She said reasonably, bobbing her head. "Okay... WHAT!?" Her voice rose in octaves until she screeched the last word into the phone. "Wally never apologizes to the girls he wrongs! And when does a thirteen year old boy worry about his virginity?!"

I shrugged at this, and replied,"You must have made an impact."

She groaned, and pinched her nose between her forefinger and thumb. "I need a doughnut." Didn't she just have one a second ago? "Noah? Do you have one?"

I rummaged through my pack until I found one, slightly squashed, in a creased plastic bag.

"Some random lass gave me this." I examined it. It was a fairly good replica of my face. "I'm not a big fan of sweets, and it looks like my face. You want it?"

She considered it for a millisecond before snatching it from my hand. "Cool! I'm eating Noah's face!" She bit into the center of the pastry. "Your nose is delicious."

She then remembered the phone in her other hand. "Wally, you still there?"

A silence was heard from the other line for a moment. "Something about you eating Noah's face? Is it something sexual?"

"It is the best thing I have ever eaten." She said suggestively. "There is chocolate inside." A sigh of realization came from the other side of the line. "Even if it was sexual-" She stuck out her tongue at the phone- "What would you do?"

"Probably cry until I died. I'm going in five months, anyway. You are the best thing that has happened to me." He stopped for a moment. "Both Dusties are."

I forgot he named his Ralts Dusty. Kinda creepy. Whatever floated their ship I guess.

"Uh, Wally? I'm sorry if I was harsh, but before, you deserved it. Up, up and away!" She flew off, dropping her phone into my hands. WHAT WERE THE AUTHORS THINKING, GIVING HER FLIGHT?

"HEY!" I called up to her floating form. "You left your phone!"

"Shit! Give me that!" She fell back into the ground. "My nice phone."

I felt a rumble in the distance. Dusty seemed unperturbed. "Oh yeah. In the five seconds while I was away, I annihilated the gym and got the Stone badge. Ooohhh! Take that, Noah. ...It might also be on fire."

Before I could respond, Wally answered, "Cool. You are the best trainer ever, love."

Dusty put her hand over the receiver. "Noah, Wally is making me feel weird. What do I do?"

I pondered her question. "How? Like Inigo weird? Or Henry weird?"

She pulled her hand off the receiver and pointed a single finger at me. "Oh yeah! Henry..." She sighed at the thought of her other hubby. "Henry weird, definitely."

Wally's voice came back through the speaker. "Who is this Henry guy? Is he your boyfriend?"

Another rumble came from the distance, followed by some screams.

"Crap! Look at the _other_ fourth wall!" She yelled at me. I think it may have been the gym she had set on fire, but to each their own. "Your fault, Noah." She turned back to the phone. "Henry? Forget about him." She laughed nervously. "I don't have a boyfriend."

Wally's voice came back wounded, and frightened. "You obviously care for him. I will make you love me more than you could ever love him! I will start in Mauville! Goodbye, my love!"

I could tell the click from the resulting hang up echoed through her consciousness from the way she looked at the deadline.

"This is your fault Noah." She murmured, a quietness in her voice telling me that she was pissed. "He wasn't supposed to know about Henry."

I thought for a moment, before calmly telling her my opinion on the matter. "Henry is just a word to him. An idealistic goal for him to strive towards. He doesn't know he doesn't exist in this world." She did not seem satisfied with my answer.

"Fine," she replied grudgingly, before beginning her treck out. "I have to run now. Roxanne is placing a 1000 Poke Yen reward on my head for burning the gym and being smarter than her. TROLLLOL!"

"I'll distract her." I assured her. "My shirt is off, so irresistible is still on."

It was true. My shirt was stuck and shoved inside my back pocket. Dusty immediately took out a silver camera and began flashing pictures at my form.

"Ah yes." She snapped a couple more, from different angles. "Thank you Noah."

"I'll buy you enough time. I will agree to date her if she beats me. Then I'll get the badge. Two taillowes, one stone." I handed her a sheet of paper with Wally's number on it.

"Ok." She snapped even more pictures, positioning my arms. "So this is Wally's phone number?"

"Yes. He's probably training, so don't call him." I advised, walking towards the Gym. "Let him call you."

"Love advice?" She pondered what I had said, and seemed to accept it. "Okay, sure." She snapped a parting picture as I entered the ruins of the gym. "Have fun!"

I entered the gym, and saw the blackened husk it had become. Every step I took crunched with the sound of ash. Not the Pokemon trainer kind, the fire kind. The walls were only half standing, charred and crumbling, and the roof had collapsed completely, only a few lonely boards creating strips of shadows. The only thing that remained standing was the teacher's desk that Roxanne sat behind. She seemed fairly young for her profession, about only 22 of her probably more years. Her brown hair was pulled behind her head in a pair of twin ponytails. Intelligent red eyes peered at me from her place, her face hiding behind a textbook. I knew that she was no pushover by any means. Her eyes scanned me, and her gaunt face took on a blush that said she liked what she saw. She closed the book that she was reading, laying it on the desk, spine sticking up.

"Oh, hello there." She blushed. Even infatuated, she still seemed intimidating.

"Ummmm... Hi!" I replied. She looked at me as if she were expecting me to say something witty. "Nice pile of rubble you have here."

"Hm?" She seemed to realize where we were, glancing around disinterestedly. "Oh yes. Watch out for the pile of corpses in the corner."

I looked, and sure enough, a pair of human remains was stacked there.

"What happened?" I asked, knowing very well what happened. Dusty. Dusty happened.

"It was some random pyschopathic girl who brought in a grass type. We're hunting her down right now... " I wondered how the gym caught on fire then...

"Right!" I said before I could think about the lack of continuity too much. "You are the Gym Leader, yes?"

She smiled, walked over to me, and traced a finger across my bare shoulder. Her red eyes sparkled with interest.

"I can be anything you want. I am a teacher, a Leader, a lover..." She let the last word settle in the air.

"Right." I pushed her finger off of my shoulder, only for her to move to tracing what I realized to be hearts on my chest. How old does she think I am?

"Um." I said with eloquence, forgetting how to speak momentarily. I ignored my most base urges to slam her on the desk and use it for something other than for grading papers. "You're just a Gym Leader to me." She backed off, disappointment in her gaze.

"Only a Gym leader? Okay." She reluctantly accepted. "I'll be just that." She liked her lips sensually. "For now."

Sweet.

Arceus.

Let me come out of this with my virginity.

"I'll fight you!" I shouted, pulling away from her and taking a Pokeball from my belt. "Icarus!"

Icarus flapped a couple times, then landed on my shoulder.

"Hey boss!" He greeted me. Roxanne backed away a few feet.

"A wingull? There had to be a catch. The hot ones always consort with-" She spat the last two words out like the worst curse she could think of "-Water types."

"Hey!" Icarus protested. "That's racist!"

I ignored this comment. "I am not type exclusive. Icarus is just one of my four Pokemon."

She seemed to relax, coming closer to me. She layed her head on my left collarbone.

"We will battle then." She rubbed her hand against my stubbly chin, back and forth. Must. Resist. Base. Urges. "If I win, you have to become my gym trainer, and do whatever I say, for the rest of your days." Her grin and previous actions told me what a lot of that was going to be. I seriously considered the merits of losing.

"And if I win?"

"You get a Gym badge. And an offer for something you would really love." She winked.

"But what if," I cleared my throat. "I do not wish to accept your offer?"

She took three steps back with a cold look on her face. "Why wouldn't you accept my offer?"

A lower part of me asked the same question. My brain told it to shut up.

"You are a bit old for me." I told her, trying to coax her into battle.

"First you throw out a water type." She trembled with rage. "And now you are calling me old? Dozens and dozens of my male and some of my female students would have jumped at my offer! It would have been a one time thing! No commitment!" She stomped her foot. "Why in Arceus' green earth wouldn't you accept?"

"Because I am here for one reason! To battle you. Send out your Pokemon." The lower part of me was screaming in rage at the rest of me, but that part was just going to have to get over it. Roxanne just backed off and pulled out her Pokeball.

"Fine you fag. I'll battle you. But you won't like it." She threw it out onto the ground with a swift, decisive motion. "Geodude!"

The rocky ball was about three times larger than Icarus, who was circling around it in the air. She smacked her fists together.

"Ready to strike, Boss," he informed me, voice echoing from above. I knew that the rock probably had Sturdy, so it didn't hurt to have an extra layer of protection.

"Supersonic, Icarus!" I ordered him. He released a call that bounced off the wall, making it seem like there was another Wingull behind the Geodude. The Geodude's eyes rolled about in her head.

"Geodude. Defense Curl!" She called to the confused Pokemon. She wrapped her arms around her head to hide. I knew that this next shot had to be perfect.

"Icarus. Water Pulse!" Icarus dive bombed the rock.

"Geodude! Rock Tomb!" I watched in horror as the Geodude picked up a pair of rocks, and threw them just when Icarus released his Water Pulse. The rocks ended up clipping his right wing, blood splattering the floor. The Geodude, however, got hit full force with the Water Pulse and was ripped apart. Maybe she didn't have Sturdy. Icarus landed in front of me, wincing in pain.

"I don't know if I can take another hit boss. Can I not be against the next one?"

"Sure. Icarus, return." I surveyed my opponent, who looked unaffected by the death of one of her Pokemon. In fact, she had one of the straps of her dress in her hand. Oh Lord. She pulled that across her shoulder, and the other strap was headed in the same direction, albeit on the other side. When they both were loosely draped across her shoulders, she pulled her dress down to her waist. It stopped for no apparent reason. Something _else _besides the straps were holding the dress up. As for her torso, the only thing stopping me from seeing all of the milky white skin in that area was a peice of red lace wrapped around her chest. She was not badly endowed either. I swear, the lower part of me was going to have an aneurism. The other parts of me were all quite disgusted at her actions. She stretched languidly (this is just NOT FAIR!) and said:

"I figure that since you are such a Fagg, you won't mind if I take off my top as well? It's so dreadfully hot in here."

I gritted my teeth to force myself to stay in my position. Though to throw her across the desk, or to punch her was yet to be decided by my confused hormonal body. This isn't how it normally goes! I am the eye candy! They never give it back!

"That's what I thought." She squeezed her breasts together (Oh, now that is just plain CHEATING.) and after that gave another stretch before reaching for the other Pokeball at her waist. She pulled it off of the belt, and her Pokeball wasn't the only thing that bounced when she threw it out. (It should be a rule to not mess with hormones during a Pokemon battle!) I gulped subconsciously as I saw the Nose Pokemon hit the field. I knew how dangerous it could be. I grabbed Muddbutt's Pokeball off of my belt, and tossed him out as well. Muddbutt looked really happy to be there finally. Roxanne gave an evil grin. What is she... OH! Yeah…

"Well you certainly AREN'T a fag," she purred. "What is holding you back? Some sense of duty or honor? Do you fancy yourself a hero like a naive little boy?"

I stood silent because I would let her draw her own conclusions.

"That is it isn't it? You are holding yourself back because of some sense of false honor."

"Muddbutt!" I called, ignoring what she said. "Water Gun!"

A pathetic stream of water struck the Nose Pokemon, dissolving it slightly.

"I guess you should know that the whole hero complex thing is a huge turnoff for me." Much to the relief of my self control, she put her dress back on properly. "Nosepass, Rock Romb." The Nosepass threw rocks at Muddbutt, causing him to wince in pain and indents to appear, flesh scrapping off. I knew that he couldn't take another hit. His speed was lowered as well, so there was no garuntee that he was going to move first. Olivia didn't have a high enough defense to take a direct hit from a Rock Tomb, and Notica was weak to rock.

I quickly realized one thing then: not everyone was going to survive this fight.

I took a deep breath, and saw a stream of light fall in front of Muddbutt. A ball of silk formed in front of him, exchanging places with him. Notica sat right in front of the Nosepass while Mudbutt sat next to me, chomping on an Oran berry.

"Does this make me useful?" Her voice deadpanned from the inside of her silk cocoon. "Make sure you make something of my sacrifice."

I nodded dumbly, watching in horror as she was crushed by rocks. The green goop that spilled out was followed by a half formed Beautifly corpse. A light lit up from my right side as I collapsed to my knees from the sight.e, now a Marshstomp, Mudbutt strode onto the field. He shot a pillar of mud at the Nosepass, and it dissolved completely. Mudbutt crossed his newly formed arms in front of his chest.

"That was for Notica."

I crawled on my hands and knees to Notica's remains, goop clinging to my jeans. The awful reality of what had happened striked my chest like a ton of bricks. I cradled her corpse in my arms and whispered to it pleadingly.

"Sorry... Notica. You did your best. I am sorry that you died! I didn't mean it!"

The Gym Leader looked down at me with some measure of compassion.

"You get used to it after a while," she claimed, watching my mourning process. I set down her corpse, and began stacking rocks on top of it. I looked up at Roxanne, seeing her frown in confusion.

"You shouldn't. Every Pokemon is a friend for you to cherish. Every time one dies is a tragedy." I nodded and went back to stacking rocks. Roxanne looked amused at my pain now.

"Heh. You have the luxury to think that." She picked up one of her Stone Badges. "I'm just supposed to stand here and pass out gym badges for people killing my Pokémon." She crossed her arms across her chest. "We aren't all naive like you." I looked up at her, tears blurring my vision.

"You don't _have _to do anything." I decided to throw words back at her. "I am not naive like you. I am human." I looked her right in her scarlet eyes. "The only thing that keeps you there is your own stupidity." Roxanne looked furious. She began pounding on her desk to illustrate a point.

"Oh yeah?" She accused. "Did you grow up, starving on the streets of Rustboro? Did _they _threaten your little sister and then sell her to some pedophile?" Who was "they" to get her so worked up?

"No," I watch her relax, but tense again as I continued. "but I grew up an orphan and saw atrocities like that happen every day." I slammed the last rock of Notica's funeral cairn into place. "You can't frighten me with your sob story. We all have lost something."

Roxanne took on a mockingly motherly posture. "How cute. We have a brat with hero syndrome," she cooed, a dry smile broke through the facade. "Mark my words, you'll end up like me, one way or another. You'll be helpless and they'll take everyone you love." She counted them off on her fingers. "Friends, Pokémon, everything." She tossed the Stone badge at my feet. "So here's your badge and buh bye now."

I picked the badge off the ground, and placed it in my pocket. I put Muddbutt back into his Pokeball, and began to walk away. Then I realized I had to have the last word. Call it a pride thing.

"You can move from that spot any time. Just put one foot in front of the other."

And then I showed her a perfect example by walking out of the door.

I tried to return to my usual self as soon as I left the ruined gym.

"Thoraria!" I called out. "It is your turn to fight...Roxanne."

Dusty peeked out from behind a bush across the street.

"Does she still want to kill me?" She whispered, looking up and down the street, before coming out with a black body bag.

"Yes." I confirmed, fidgeting nervously at the mention of Roxanne. A weird light went into Dusty's eyes as we walked towards the Pokemon center.

"Did she say specifically that she would cut off my limbs slowly, one by one and then cut open my body and injure my organs, then decapitate me slowly and stick my head on a pike outside her gym?" An oddly specific question.

"No?" I asked.

"What?" She shrugged. "It sounds cool! She said she would do that to me! Now, let me just borrow Thoaria's unconscious body..." Unconscious? What?

"Where is she?"

"Not in this body bag?" She gestured to a bag that she was holding as Nurse Joy healed my Pokemon. She looked around the room and changed the subject.

"I caught this adorable Skitty outside of that route near the tunnel. Her name is Crescent." A sound came from the body bag she carried on her shoulder. She smacked it a couple times to make it quiet once more. I quickly put two and two together as I received my Pokemon back from Nurse Joy.

"Thoaria needs to do the gym," I reasoned with the insane short girl. "Let her out.

"But! But! She was going to be my experiment. How are you going to stop me?!" She ran off down the street, body bag bouncing and jolting behind her. I sighed deeply, and pulled Icarus' Pokeball off of my belt. The small white bird perched himself on his usual place, and examined the retreating form.

"You scorned that girl too, eh Boss?" He began preening his feathers again. "She isn't bad looking neither."

"That's Dusty." I reminded him.

"Eh. All you humans look the same." I wondered how he could tell she was "not too bad looking" if "all you humans looked the same." Whatever. "What crazy Taros Shit is she pullin' this time?"

"Thoaria is in the body bag, and I need you to help me save her."

"Is she your girl, Boss? Eh? Eh?"

"I will not dignify that with an answer."

"You are no fun, Boss." He prepped for take off before looking back at me. "All I wanted to do was breed you for IV's." I just stared at him for a while. "It's something I heard you and the short one talk about." I stared at him a little longer. Why was everyone I know trying to set me up?

"Just get her," I told him. He took off after Dusty's fleeing form. Icarus cawed at her, and I saw a light come from Dusty's palm and solidify into a Skitty.

"Crescent!" she called. "Use Attract!" Icarus had hearts instead of his usual black eyes.

"Hey! Boss! Are you sure I can't just mate with this chit over here?" The Skitty hid between her trainer's legs. I sighed at Icarus' antics. I swear, one day he is going to fly too close to peril and get burned.… Wait a moment.

"She isn't even in your egg group!" I called back.

"Hey! That thing can mate with a Wailord, Boss." He grabbed the back of Dusty's shirt. "Don't tell me what it can and can't mate with."

Dusty was flying along with Crescent in her arms, held aloft by Icarus. The bag with Thoaria in it was bumping behind them as she clutched at thefabric, holding it closed. Just thinking of the height and weight difference between the two made me realize just how strong Dusty actually was. Or just how strong the writer decided to make her for the moment. And Icarus? He was a regular Machoke.

"Crescent!" she said to the small cat in her arms. "Use Sing!" Bad move. Icarus began falling out of the sky faster than his namesake in the Greek mythos. He let go of the trio, and they began falling, Thoaria slipping free from the bag. I threw a Chesto berry in the air, and hoped Icarus would somehow catch and eat it while asleep. I ran under Thoaria's falling body and caught it, grunting from the impact. I cradled her in my arms, bridal style, and watched as Dusty floated down gently, landing lightly on her feet. Hold on…. Can I just call bullshit and break the other fourth wall for a second? Why does Dusty randomly get flying powers, and Thoaria can call on Morgan Freeman powers at will? What do I get? ...Oh yeah. the power to distract every girl and gay guy in a mile radius. I forgot for a second. Why do they get cool powers, and I get inconvenience power? Ok, continue.

I felt, rather than saw, Icarus land on my shoulder, and then I realized I should probably pull a Robin.

"Checkmate," I said as Icarus cawed Wingull. (He seriously just said Wingull. Sometimes I think there is something wrong with that bird.) "I win."

"Wow!" She said, ruffling through her bag. "Hold that pose." She pulled out her silver camera and snapped a few pictures. "Hold on." She pulled out a sailor's hat and adjusted Thoaria's hair. "Put this on." I obliged and she snapped a few more pictures in quick succession. She took the hat back, and said:

"You have literally made me a millionare. Thanks!" Have I seen a cent of this money? No.

"It isn't my fault all the store clerks are gay." I looked down at my muscular chest. "Maybe I should put my shirt back on." Dusty shook her head quickly as Icarus went back into his Pokeball voluntarily.

"Don't," she ordered me. "The ladies and the clerks need the 'shirtless hottie hero.' You are all the rage these days." Second time I have been called hero today. Both times they were unwarranted. If they only knew how little of a hero I actually was.

"I don't think they need me for anything." Thoaria stirred in her sleep, and opened her chocolate eyes, disoriented. She blinked, looking at me right in the eyes.

"Thank you for getting me out of that bag," she muttered. For some reason, a beam of light shone upon us, and taillow began chirping. Dusty jumped up and down, clapping her hands.

"I SHIP IT! NEW SHIP!" Thoaria and I rolled our eyes at each other before I set her down.

"Exactly," I asked pointing my finger at her, "Who DON'T you ship me with?" She considered the question for a bit and then tipped her head.

"Myself. You are too old for me, pedo." I couldn't think of anything to say.

"I do not appreciate all the shipping with one another," Thoaria told her. She looked at me, a little smugly, and before she could look away, Dusty snapped another pictureanon," she snipped. "Giving one to Steven after we help his father."

Thoaria glared down at her, their faces only inches apart. "Don't. You. Dare."

Thoaria and Dusty looked like they were about to come to blows. Only a miracle could save us from the inevitable flame war. Then a certain idiotic, incompetent Devon worker exited the building with a package in his hands.

"Hey!" I got their attention. "It's the scientist guy who was stupid enough to walk around with the top secret, very important boat parts." The Aqua grunt decked him. "Ow. That had to hurt."

Thoaria caught on to what I was doing. "And a grunt who is running away with the parts. Should we go help?" She looked at Dusty, who just turned away from her.

"Why should I care?" She did the hair flip thing that girls did when they were mad for some reason. "There's nothing in it for me! I already have my Skitty and killed a Whismur for EXP."

I have a feeling she was going to regret not catching one later. I searched my bag for another treat that the girls were constantly trying to seduce me with. I found a chocolate chip cookie that would be appetizing if I did not absolutely despise sweet things.

"A random Lass gave me this cookie. Do you want it?" Her pupils dilated at the sight of the cookie. (Why the hell isn't Gaius her FE hubby?)

"Hm…." She tapped her chin. "I need a little more." She snatched the cookie, and ate it in one bite. "But thanks, though." What else could I offer her? I looked at her camera. An evil idea popped into my head.

"That cookie-" I lifted my plain green shirt slightly, and she snapped another picture. "-And exclusive access to a new budding male model." The two girls looked kinda confused.

"Wally?" She peered at me over her camera. "He isn't old or healthy enough to be a model. He is cute, though."

"Steven? But he already has an agent," Thoaria said. Dusty turned to her again.

"Since when is Steven a model?"

Thoaria pulled several fashion magazines out from the inside of her bag. In all of them, he wore different forms of beachwear.

"Since forever!" She fangirled. I put a finger in front of her lips before she could begin a rant.

"I am going to stop you there because both of you are wrong." I crossed my arms. "Who here have you been exploiting for money, Dusty? This will make it legal." Understanding dawned on her face.

"I'm your agent." Thoaria opened your mouth, and Dusty turned to her. " Shut up. What illegal activity?" She laughed in her usual nervous way.

"We never signed a contract," I reminded her.

"Fine." She consented. "I'll go. You better give me some good material." I laughed.

"You haven't seen me in a contest yet!" I grinned at her with huge cheek. "I promise a 300% increase in stock."

Dusty looked at me with a gleam in her eye. "If you and Lisia become official, I predict a 524% increase." She matched my grin. WHY THE HELL DO THEY KEEP ON SHIPPING ME WITH HER?

Thoaria rubbed her temples. "This math is hurting my head."

Dusty looked around, then raised a single finger in the air. A black Pegasus picked her up.

"Let's go!" She called. "We have a stupid worker to save!"

"Since when do you need a Pegasus to fly?"

"Fuck that! I'm a Pegasus, bitches!" She called back down to us.

I hate our authors.

I truly do.

I turned to Thoaria.

"Thoaria, can you call on magical Morgan Freeman powers?" She jumped up.

"Sure." She turned to the sky and screeched: "Morgan!" He immediately appeared in front of us in a rocking chair stroking a white Persian cat.

"You called?" He asked in his smooth voice. Wow. I want Morgan Freeman magic too!

"Teleport us to the tunnel, stat." Then Arceus appeared in a beam of golden light.

"Hold on there. Teleport is a Pokémon move. And who are you talking to? A FUCKING HUMAN." He scoffed at the man in the chair. The man with the cat just glared back. I was seriously beginning to question this world's continuity. I considered all that had just happened, and decided to let it go.

"Arceus is right," I admitted. "But I have a Pokemon who knows Teleport." I released Olivia from her Pokeball. "Teleport us to the tunnel!"

A moment later, we were outside Rustboro Pokemon center.

"OOOHHH! You just teleported to the Pokémon Center! Because in Pokémon, that's what Teleport does! YOU HAVE BEEN OWNED!" I sighed. I had no idea what continuity we were going with. Arceus was doing a little victory dance. "I WILL SMITE YOU FOR FUN!"

"I have main character immunity. You can't kill me." Arceus looked seriously bummed.

"Damn. I hate when they do that." He let loose a sigh that even Cordelia would be jealous of. "Fine, Morgan Freeman Magic." He gestured for Morgan Freeman to continue. Morgan Freeman waggled his fingers.

"Badabing Badaboom!"

The first thing I noticed was the change in air quality. It was a million times more stuffy in here. The second was Dusty's Ralts, Ree, killing an already dead Poochyena.

"Ree! Use another Disarming Voice!" She finally turned to notice us. "You two are late."

"Arceus interfered with my Morgan Freeman magic." Thoaria explained. Dusty looked uninterested.

"Don't question it." She turned to a grunt who she had her foot on. "So! Grunt! What do you have to say for yourself?"

The grunt grabbed her ankle to relieve the pressure that she was exerting on his chest with her foot.

"The bounty on your head would have fed me for weeks!" He began to blush, sweat rolling down his forehead. "And you have given me a nice view of your beautiful ass, thank you." He gave a shit eating grin that was quickly dispersed by Dusty giving him a taste of her sneaker. She gave him a menacing glare.

"You want me to feel sorry for an evil grunt?" She answered his pitiful groans of mercy, grinding her foot into his face until his nose broke. "You want to give me away to someone who will stick my head on a pike after ripping off my body parts and poking my very important organs! And you were staring at my ass! I am FOURTEEN GODS DAMMIT!"

"That's not the only thing I am going to do to dat Ass." Another stomp to the face quieted him, blood trickling and staining the dirt floor.

The old sailor Mr. Briney just stared on at us.

"... Kids these days..." Dusty glared at the old man with murder in her eyes. I knew I had to redirect her attention. Luckily, Wally was training his Ralts on the other side of the tunnel.

"Look!" I shouted, gaining Dusty's attention. "On the other side of those rocks. It's Wally, Dusty!" Dusty immediately gave herself whiplash, she looked over at him so fast.

"WALLY?" She tripped over her own feet. She immediately recovered, combing her hair with her fingers, and spun on her heel to face him. "I mean, hi. What's up?" Wally would not meet her eyes for shame.

"I'm not nearly strong enough to be better than your Henry yet." He looked back up at her with a fire in his eyes. "But just you wait!" Dusty cocked her head, and lowered herself to lean the front of her torso against a rock. Good god. Was she doing this to the poor boy on purpose?

"Just forget about Henry," she told him. "You just need to be you. It's okay if you aren't strong; then I'll protect you." She rose from the rock, and popped one hip out, placing her hand on it. "I always wanted to be a hero to someone." Wally was hypnotized. It was a good thing that all we could see was his face above the rock...

"Look." He blushed. "My motives aren't the best. I love you, but you have to let me apologize in advance for wanting to move quickly. I only have five months left." Dusty gasped at the news that every single other person knew was truth.

"This is so sweet," a voice to my right said. It was the grunt, who had gotten up and was now clutching his nose. "I'm getting several cavities, a stomach ache and two rare diseases. Can I just fuck you in front of your boyfriend and be done?" A fist broke a couple of his teeth. I looked down and realized it was mine. Dusty hadn't even looked back.

"Noah, get the grunt. He's annoying me." I quickly punched him again in the temple, knocking him out cold. While this was going on, Dusty continued. "Wait, you weren't kidding? Or lying to get laid? Dammit, game! I didn't know it was canon! Wally!"

She began to cry. I saw the green haired ex-philanderer smile sadly at the sight. He reached his hand up, and was just barely able to brush Dusty's hair in an attempt to comfort her.

"It was just a convenient reality at the time," he admitted, his face about to burst into tears. "Now it is the worst thing possible. All those moments I could have lived with you, lost." Was I crying at this sight? No way. I was just sweating from my eyes.

"Man." Dusty wiped away a tear. "You sure have learned how to lay it on thick... I haven't even had my first kiss!" Wally's eyes met hers in the most passionate embrace of vision I had ever seen.

"We can change that." He said to her tearful gaze. She made a weird little "muah" sound at the statement. "I've never kissed anyone before."

"So you have never..." Her gaze fell to the floor. "You know." Wally gave the most sincere laugh I had ever heard come out of him. A fit of coughing followed showing why he didn't do it often.

"You're kidding right? With my pickup lines?" He coughed a couple more times while Dusty pouted slightly, pressing her fingers together.

"In case anyone was as stupid as me to..." She pulled a May, kinda awkwardly recovering from what she was about to say. "Never mind! HAHA! I wasn't going to say anything!" Right. Sure you weren't. Squee.

"Well." He said, his eyes looking deep into the soul and beyond. "Well? You up for it?" Dusty didn't even hesitate with her answer.

"Just come here."

The doomed lovers lips strained to meet across the rocks that separated them. They stayed in that position for a good minute before realizing that the gesture was impossible to preform at this time. The rocks that separated them were just wide enough that their lips could not meet. Now that ladies and gentlemen, is convenient writing. Dusty seemed to realize this as well.

"Dammit, authors. You are jerks." A wistful smile spread across her face. "In Mauville?" Wally grinned back.

"ABSOLutely!" Everyone groaned at the pun except Dusty who kept her infatuated smile. I guess that is all that matters. Dusty turned to me.

"Noah! Did you get the grunt, or is he still staring at my ass?" I just held up his unconscious body for her to see.

"Great! We can head back into town now!" Dusty said happily. Wally looked wistfully after her.

"I love you," he mumbled, and it drew her right back in.

"I've never done this before. What if I do it wrong?" she admitted. I decided to bring her down to earth.

"You are doomed in five months anyway." Dusty glared at me with tears streaming down her face.

"Shut the hell up!" She turned back to look at his face. "I can save him. I'm smart enough to find a cure." Wally told her something she probably already knew.

"The greatest doctors in the world couldn't save me. Noah is right." Dusty shook her head with denial.

"Well, I don't need to be the greatest. I only need to be the one who succeeds when no one else does." She had a revived grin at that unlikely thought. "And if you start pushing me away, you'll just waste even more time." She gave him a mischievous look that just oozed with suggestions. "Oh, I expect you to be a good kisser. Cause you're the only one I'll ever kiss, okay?" Wally shook his head with confusion.

"How exactly am I supposed to know how to kiss?" He asked her.

"Well," Dusty informed him. "Kissing is basically putting your lips together. French kissing, though, is when you stick your tongues in each other's mouths and sex is when -"

"I'm sure I will find out all of those things with you." He told her, looking up and down her form with a hunger. (Dusty was at that point far enough away for him to examine her entire body. This was a legit scan. He did not dwell at the normal points.) Despite this, Dusty still felt subconscious about something. She pulled her shirt further over her jeans. This only resulted in her cleavage popping, so it probably had the opposite effect than the one she wanted.

"I don't think I am ready for sex."

Wally was really disturbing me with that look. It was a good thing those rocks were between them.

"What if," he asked, "You can't save me? Maybe we should just be sure." Dusty blushed at the thought. I noticed she never said no. Maybe Wally should buy condoms. Just in case.

"Tch! Idiot! Of course I'll save you! I will always save you!" Dusty took a lumpy package from her pocket. "Now take this and we need to move on with the plot."

"What is it?" Wally asked her. Dusty's blush was reaching her ears now.

"A ring. Iris! Fly away!" The black pegasus grabbed her and flew her out of the cave. Wally shot me a look of pure bliss, then went back to training. Thoaria grabbed Raven's pokeball.

"Are you heading back to do plot?" she asked.

"No. I need to catch some new friends." I told her. "You go on ahead." She nodded, and then teleported back to the Rustboro Pokemon center. I took a look around, and YOLO balled the first Whismur I saw. It was a female, and at a significantly lower level than the rest of my team.

"Your name is Mumble." I told her.

She muttered something I could not understand.

"I am sorry, what?" The same message was repeated.

"Ok. In the ball you go." A bright stream of light dispersed her form. I walked out of the tunnel into the bright sunlight. When I shielded my eyes from the blinding sun, I noticed a certain Gym Leader, walking somewhere with pair of poke balls at her belt, and a bouquet of yellow roses in her right hand. She was humming a tune that I recognized as the music that was constantly playing over the speakers on a slow day in the pokemon Centers. On a busy day it had no chance to play over the announcements. It was always: "Mr. Cart, please come to surgery room C," or something. But it was always something. The song came on for several assorted minutes when no Pokemon was dying or dead in that hospital of hope, pain and fear. Sorry, I was going off on a rabbit trail there, what was I talking about? Roxanne! That was it. She was walking away from the city with some purpose. I decided to find out what was going on with her. I jumped in front of her, and she leapt back a couple steps, startled.

"Oh, hey Roxanne. You finally leave the Gym?" I gave a smile, thinking that she had left the Pokemon murdering business for good. She just shook her head in response.

"I always leave the Gym during this particular day." She responded to the smile with a frown. I sighed and counted my blessings that at least she wasn't being flirty. Maybe I could find out information on who "they" were.

"Any 'particular' reason?" I asked her, mimicking her tone. She stood in silence, her hair, blowing in an undulating spiral down her back. It was just beyond shoulder length. She should wear her hair down more. It looked good that way. ...NO, NOAH! You are here for information.

"I visit my parent's graves. I'm sure they curse me, wherever they are, for letting Team Aqua get their hands on my little sister and selling her as a sex slave." She stuffed her hands into the pockets of the jacket she was wearing. "We were 'taking up precious room that could be used for the ocean's Pokemon', you see." Of course it was them. It was always Team Aqua. Them or the other one that was just as bad for the opposite Magma. They didn't tell you the real reason why they were a gang in the games and it was not some "environmentalist movement." That was why.

Definitely not some subject for a kid's game.

"That was Team Aqua's fault." She shook her head helplessly at my words. "Not yours."

"Is it?" She shrugged. "Maybe I could have stopped them, if I had tried." I looked into her eyes, and guessed pretty well what happened. One of two things had to have occurred for her to look like that, and one of them, no girl could ever walk away from.

"There were two of them," I started, and she interrupted me.

"There were two and I had my Nosepass with me." She was visibly beating herself up about it. "In truth, I-I let it happen. We had no money, and what little food I did have went mostly to my sister." She would not meet my eyes. I was beginning to feel myself get angry at this defeatist. "I was desperate, and starving, and realized I would die, just so my little sister could live for a worse fate." I brought my hand around a stinging whip across her cheek. She looked at me in shock. I just continued my speech calmly.

"One of them was a brute of a man. About seven feet tall. Wore a bandana. The other was a smaller female. Probably voiced him back to reason after he took your sister." Roxanne's eyes told me I was right.

"How would you know?" She asked me, her red orbs searching mine. I looked at all of the hope and fear in those eyes. I never told anyone of my past. My real parents were dead.

"Let's just say I haven't had the best dealings with Team Aqua." She backed away, a single eyebrow raised in interest.

"Oh?" She crossed her arms over her chest. "You know, you're right. You know, the other one... She saved me from being…" She choked this word out. "Violated... By the other man. Fate plays out in such a cruel dance, doesn't it?" She spun around three times with her arms extended. "Circles and twirls and turning backs. C'est la vie." She finished her twirl, and I thought back to what she mentioned. The man who…

"The man, was Archie. Team Aqua's leader. He carries a powerful water type,and there is no way that you could possibly have beat him." She grimaced at that. "The woman is his lover Shelly when he isn't raping some helpless soul." She placed a solitary hand on my shoulder, anchoring my soul in the present.

"You..." She noticed her hand on my shoulder, blushed and removed it. "What have you not been telling them? They deserve to know." I think she was referring to Dusty and Thoaria. I don't think I'm ready to tell them anything. "Some friends of mine, Tate and Liza, they tell the future. And they have told me I'll encounter some children with the power to end these evils." She placed a single, well manicured finger on my sternum. "I believe you and your friends are it. In fact, I think I will take the bounty off of her head." She took her finger off of me and shook her head with disappointment. "Only with complete trust may you succeed. What have you been hiding? It will cause you and your friends to fall and lose this battle." I considered what she said. I knew I could not tell anyone, no matter what sort of warnings people had to throw my way.

"Let's just say-" I turned away to walk from her figure. "-That everything happens for a reason." I took my first tiptoeing step into the tall grass.

"Well, now." I heard Roxanne say behind me. "Interesting." I stalked away from her, and she continued on her path. I saw a Tailow fluttering off to the side, and a pink tail sticking up from the grass. It was attached to a Skitty, who was flicking her tail, on the hunt for the Tailow. I pulled Olivia out quietly.

"Olivia." I told her. "Engage the Skitty."

"R-r-right." Olivia followed my orders by picking up the Skitty by her tail with her telekinetic powers, and the cat Pokemon turned to us.

"Skitty?" She asked with curiosity.

"Confusion, Olivia."

"Um. Ok." When she did, the Skitty rolled end over end into a tree. She shook her head to clear it. This Skitty was probably on the same level as Olivia. If she was level 18… I had to be careful. I may loose someone else. The Skitty picked up a ball of mud, and threw it at Olivia. She just barely dodged out of the way. My sigh of relief stopped suddenly when the ball exploded outward, and threw Olivia against a tree. Olivia did not have the best defenses, so I doubted that she could take another hit from a Mud Bomb. I pulled out a Pokeball to return Olivia. A flash of golden light appeared, and Icarus took her place.

"Hey boss! Am I going to fight this… Oh wow! Wow, Boss!" The Skitty had used the move Attract, judging from the hearts in place of his eyes. "Do yeh think that I could get that one? Eh? Eh?"

I knew that it was a risk sending any male out against any female Skitty, but Icarus was the only one who was immune to the Mud Bombs.

"Just use Sater Gun on it." I told him. He shot a small squirt of water out of his mouth at her. The Skitty looked like it was about to hit the floor at this point. I was surprised that it took so many hits from my Pokemon. It will be a very valuable addition to my team. Icarus apparently agreed for very different reasons.

"Heya, ye gorgeous little chit. You are going to be my baby." Icarus bobbed his head. "Yeah! My cute little baby chit. Eh?" A Mud Bomb to the face sent him sprawling across the ground. I gasped, but Icarus just flipped over. She must have Normalize too. Hot diggity, Icarus was still alive.

"Eh? You have a bit of fight in yeh?" An accent I did not recognize began to come over his voice. "Weeeell, this'll be a good scuffle then, eh, Baby? You wanna fight?" I picked up the ornery Wingull and placed him on my shoulder.

"I'll handle this, Icarus. We don't want to kill her." I pulled out a ball, and began thinking of a name as I threw the ball to capture her. I looked to Icarus as the ball shook for a final time and lit up, signaling her capture.

"What do you think Icarus?" I stroked his head the way he liked. "Baby?" Icarus scoffed, a blueish tinge on his face.

"That chit is _my _Baby." He told me, and the blueish tinge in his face I realized now, was a blush. "But I suppose we could all call her that as long as we understand that." Icarus apparently wasn't affected by the move Attract anymore. I tweaked his beak in a teasing way, making him squawk once in indignation.

"We talked about this. That 'chit'," I said, imitating his accent, "Isn't in your egg group."

"Hey, Boss." He glared at me. "I thought I already told you." He ruffled his feathers as he stared at me. "You can't stop me when I want something." I gave him a half grin.

"Just make sure that you do nothing without consent."

"From you, Boss?"

"From her." With that, I pulled out my new friend. The pink cat appeared, looking into my eyes with confusion.

"Your new name is Baby." I stroked her pink fur. "Welcome to the team."

"Baby." She said, tasting the name on her tongue. She tilted her head with a strange smile on her face. "I like it!" Her face fell when she saw Icarus on my shoulder. "You hurt me."

"Look, Baby, I am sorry that I did that, but orders are orders." The cat seemed satisfied.

"Okay!" Icarus lifted off from my shoulders at her voice. "I hope we can become good friends!"

"The best!" Icarus agreed with a sly wink. He settled in place on top of her head. The Skitty looked up at a pokeball on my waist.

"Whose home is that? The one with the green slime?" She pointed her nose at Notica's old pokeball. I smiled at the memory.

"An old friend." I told her. "She sacrificed herself so that the rest of us could live." Baby looked thoughtful for a moment.

"They say that the dead in heaven watch the living from their places. Keeping watch over us smiles on their faces." She stopped, but I knew the rest of the poem full well.

You and I both know full well.

The way they feel inside hell.

I pulled out their Pokeballs, and returned them into their containers. I heard something beyond the bushes where I captured her. I peered into a secret grove of sorts, hidden by trees, where Roxanne was standing before a pair of tombstones, the flowers laying in the dirt.

"Hello, Mom and Dad." She sniffed. "I brought you Elena's favorite flowers!" She began crying like I had never seen her before. That name… It was the same as… It must be a coincidence. "Yellow roses. Bright, and beautiful like her!" I heard her cry the tears of a woman still in mourning. I looked to my right, bearing witness to a red flower of the same type. I plucked it gingerly, watching for thorns. I stood before the graves next to the sobbing Gym Leader. I set the flower before the grave.

"Hi." I wrung my hands nervously. "I never knew you in life, but I know you are watching." I gestured at the flower. "I brought you something! A flower just like your beloved daughter you see before you." Roxanne looked up at me, tears distorting her face. "This rose is beautiful just like her. And like her," I grabbed the rose hastily drawing blood on my fingertips, "Something sharp and dangerous barrs hasty approach." I grabbed it more gingerly, and brought it to my nose. "But when you do get around it, you can realize its true beauty. Its fragrance, if you will." Roxanne began crying once again, but this time looking me full in the face. I grinned and turned to speak to her.

"They say that the dead watch the living! Your parents... They have to be looking on and smiling." I chose the words that I had heard a Pokemon utter only a moment before. She rose beside me, looking up at me from her height that would normally be extremely tall for a woman, but was dwarfed by mine by a good half of a foot. She brought her face close enough to me so that I could hear her whisper.

"You have honeyed words, hero." She gave a sad smile. "You have me convinced. You want to hear my last few secrets?" I played nonchalance.

"Sure. I've caught all the friends I can in this area." She backed off and sat on her mother's tombstone.

"Why do you think Gym leaders so rarely leave their gyms?" I considered the question. Maybe the reason I theorized with Roxanne's.

"Fear of the horrors they will find." Roxanne gave a huge grin.

"Nope!" Her grin fell as she stroked at the stone. "The Pokemon Associations purposely select people with secrets they need to hide, or pasts they want to bury." She bent double on the stone, then stretched herself out. "We are desperate, you see, and they know it. So we are forced to sign a contract, and spend the rest of our days there." She closed her eyes, hiding the red. "We have no choice but to kill in hopes we will be allowed to walk off, free when they decide we have paid off our debts fully." She opened her eyes, and looked off in the distance. "We have racked up quite the debts as gym leaders, for we don't have our own money. The association pays for it all." She turned her head to look at me directly.

"Choice is a funny thing. You want to know why?" I stood from the stone. "There always is one. Just be sure the one you have made is right," I pointed at the stone she was sitting on, "Or else, it will haunt you like those graves." Roxanne stood next to me.

"You know what else is funny? Hope." She stood, looking up into my face, using my words and expression. "Hope is a funny thing. You want to know why?" I nodded, and Roxanne placed her head on my chest. "It is what keeps others moving on at night, but yet something that others have forsaken." She turned back around and put her arms around my neck. "Heh. You made me hope again, you annoying little hero. Come save me and the others sometime," her lips were inching towards mine, "If you aren't saving the world." Her lips lightly brushed mine, but when I tried to move away, she deepened it, pushing my lips harder on to hers. This definitely was not a friendly kiss. This was a desperate plea for acceptance. I felt the infatuation coming off of her in waves. I had to stop this. I pulled her arms away from my head, and pulled apart the kiss.

"No." I told her firmly. "I have to go."

"Really?" She laughed, embarrassed. She was serious again. "Be careful of Norman. He has the worst things to hide. Just a little parting advice. As friends?" She looked at me, hoping for an answer that would never come.

"As friends," I confirmed. "I will save them." I walked out of the secret grove with more things to prove than ever before.

I arrived at the docks outside the Petalburg Woods at sunset. I ran towards Mr. Briney's house, hoping that I would be able to make it in time. Dusty saw me first, body bag in hand.

"Thought we left already?" She asked me from the deck of the ship, leaning on the railing. "We were waiting for your annoying ass to come around."

"Just had a few loose ends to tie up." I rubbed my cheek. Dusty scanned my movements, and adopted a mischievous grin.

"What sort? A girl? Hm?" She asked. I decided to take my meeting with Roxanne a different way with Dusty.

"Getting Roxanne off your ass more like. The bounty has been lifted." Dusty looked surprised.

"Damn, what are you? A hero?" If only she knew. "Well, too bad! I was the first hero to come around!" She examined me with a critical eye. " Do you and Roxanne have a thing? I need to milk it as much as possible for the press if you do." I considered all of the things that had happened. How we parted. How she acted. I gave her a smile.

"Just friends, Dusty." She looked at me in frustration.

"You have to settle down sometime." Then she tapped her finger on her chin. "But wait, if you're free, we'll have better stock. Huh." Noises began coming out of the body bag as she talked. Dusty smacked the bag with her randomly appearing baseball bat. "And Thoaria is not in the body bag. Shut up." She gave me a smile that told me she was lying without a doubt.

"Get her out."

**AN: Thank god! I thought my fingers were going to fall off. Anyway, My name is Noah, or Thatoneselfinsertguy, and I am going to collapse in a stupor after typing this. Follow, Review, and check out my other account if you want! I will see you later.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Yes, your eyes do not deceive you, it is here. Sorry for it being about...an hour late. It's 1am on Tuesday when this is going up. Only the cool kids finish stuff at the last minute...Okay, what am I kidding myself?...**

**Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Disclaimer stuff and let's go!~**

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><p>As we stepped off the boat, I looked around the town. It was small, not a bustling city like Rustboro, but it wasn't practically unpopulated like Littleroot. Yellow beaches, modest houses and a sparkling ocean; it couldn't have been more cliche. It reminded me a bit of where I used to live in Johto: Olivine.<p>

"So...This is Dewford, huh?" I looked around as we got on the weather beaten pier.

"Yeah! Before we can meet Steven though, we have to beat the gym!" Noah was looking a bit green from the boat ride.

"Are you still mad about me knocking you unconscious and shoving you into a body bag?" Dusty asked, trying to look as innocent as possible and almost succeeding.

I contemplated the question quietly. "...I don't want to murder you _as_ much. Still do, though," I pointed towards Granite Cave. "I thought we could go to the cave first? I normally do that first." Noah shook with heaving laughter. The heaving because he was still visibly nauseous.

"Good..." he said between laughs. "That is progress. In the remakes you have to beat the gym."

"Gym first then…" I replied. "Thought it was optional, but if you say it isn't, all right." Noah picked up one of his pokeballs, and threw it from hand to hand.

"Olivia's going to have a field day."

Dusty looked up from her bag with an alarmed look in her eyes. "Tch...Where are my papers?!" She dug through her bag again. "Noah! I blame it on you! I blame everything on you: My dad, world hunger, Good-Thoaria…"

Noah simply shrugged. "It isn't my fault you lost our contract. That sounds like a "you" problem."

Dusty frowned back, looking pretty upset. "I said papers, not paper. They're Wally's medical files. Now…" She kicked her bag. "Where are they?!"

"Icarus may or may not have made a nest for Baby out of them," Noah said, attempting to hide Icarus's pokeball from Dusty's sight.

"Hawk ate some, too," I added.

Dusty pulled out Crescent's pokeball. "Fuck you too! Crescent, Attract!"

Nothing happened. Of course...We're human.

"I don't think it affects humans," he guessed, backing up my thinking.

"I was talking about Icarus up there," Dusty pointed to a random wingull. "Oops, he just divebombed into the sea. Doesn't look like he'll be coming up anytime soon either."

Noah shook his head, "That's just a random wingull. Icarus is in his pokeball."

"Dammit!" Dusty yelled. "Now I'm a murderer! Noah's fault!"

"More like a BIRDerer!" Noah corrected as I just facepalmed, muttering;

"No. Just….No."

"Whatever. You two have some girl time. I need to train Mumble."

With that, Noah left for Granite Cave.

_Girl time? ….Okay. Hopefully, Dusty doesn't kidnap me again._

"No! I'm saving the Wingull! I'mma superhero, idiot!" Dusty dived off the edge of the boat.

"So...Just me...Alone. With my pokemanz...And there's that cave...And bored...I have a feeling some-" A vision of amazingness appeared on the horizon. Steven flying on a Skarmory to the island. He slammed onto the beach with a plume of sand flying into the air. He then began walking towards me, his silver hair curling around his face from the humidity and clothes adorably wrinkled. I gave an internal squee.

_...Not gonna lie. That looked badass. ...Brain. Back out of that territory, please._

"Excuse me, could you give me directions to Granite Cave?" he asked, which surprised me. He's an expert on stones...How would he not know where that cave is?

As if some god were mocking me, a whole bunch of magazines-that weren't even mine-fell out of the bag that….Dusty gave to me before we left.

"Uh…Why do I have these anyway?" I muttered embarrassedly. "Is this a prank, Dusty? Uhh...Dusty?"

I looked around for the person in question, but she was no where to be seen.

"Where is Granite Cave, miss?" Steven asked again.

"Oh, sorry, sir," I replied, pointing towards the gym. "It should be thatta way. Make a left when you reach the shore."

"Thanks. Maybe if I am lucky, that won't be the only cave I explore today. Do you have a cave that I can explore with my _iron hard _pokemon, miss?" he asked. He did not seem to be implying anything...but...?

_Was that an innuendo? Nah...He doesn't seem like that kind of person._

"There's a few on Route 111. Shouldn't I be asking you this? Aren't you some expert on stones and caves and such, Mr. Steven Stone?" I said more than asked, suspicious of the whole situation.

"Yes, but I enjoy talking to you for some reason, miss." Steven gave me a dazzling smile. Like one of those that make a girl's (and gay pokemart employees') heart flutter... Interesting.

"Well, I suppose you're one of the only people around here that I can hold a _decent_ conversation with, even though I barely know you," I replied.

"I know!" Steven said cheerfully. "Do you want to help me and my _iron hard_ pokemon explore a cave sometime?"

…_.Did he just ask me out or something?_

If he was, he was being pretty cool about it. I mean...I dunno. It just seemed like it was a thing. And it was happening. Dusty came around the corner out of nowhere with the corpse of a wingull in her right hand.

"What the hell? That's not true! You can hold a mildly entertaining conversation with me! ….Why are you ignoring me? I'm a main character!" Dusty looked from me to Steven. "Wait...Excuse me? You want to explore a cave with Thoaria?" She nudged my side with her elbow.

I shook her off, even going as far as saying, "Did you hear something? No…?" I smiled. "Okay. I'd be glad to help out. Just one thing...I'm terrified of the dark, so we'd need some type of pokemon with-"

"Flash?" Steven asked. "Never leave home without it. You know, you really are pretty. You should consider becoming a swimsuit model. It pays very well." There was no trace of flirtation in his voice.

_Swimsuit...model? Okay, no. Never in a million years. I'd rather die. And have someone take a red hot knife and cut off my limbs slow-Eh…_

I shuddered at the thought. "I couldn't pose for a camera in practical underwear if I tried...I'm more of a contest person."

"If you explore a cave with me," he said. "I'll be sure to watch you in a contest."

"Really?" I replied, amazed. "It'd be an honor. Though I wouldn't come without some form of disguise."

"Duly noted," Steven agreed with a laugh.

"Heh...Yeah." I then realized that I never gave him my name. "Oh! My name's Thoaria, by the way; nice to meet you, Mr. Stone."

"Call me Steven, Thoaria. I'll remember that name, you know. I have to go."

"All right, see you in Slateport. The next contest is there!" I said as he waved and headed towards the cave.

I watched him go, sighing habitually, as Noah walked up behind me. "Hey, guys! What did I miss? I saw Steven walking away, did I miss the first Theven moment?"

"Well...I'll tell you what you didn't miss...Nothing." I shook my head, confused. "I don't even know. He seems nice though. Not like those certain celebrities these days…Anyway, how'd that training go?" Noah tossed a pokeball from hand to hand.

"Caught a Zubat, and trained everyone to level 20. Mumble and Olivia evolved. I think I will challenge the Gym first."

"I'm going next. I was last last time," I said as he walked into Brawly's gym. Dusty looked at me with stars in her eyes.

"So!" She clapped her hands together. "What is your strategy for impressing your man at the contests?"

"..." I let out a really long sigh. Dusty will be Dusty. "Dusty, for the first and last time, he is not my "man". Seriously, I just met him. This isn't High School Musical..."

"What is your strategy? Seriously."

"Train like there's no tomorrow and get Raven to evolve. And then somehow get Dazzling Gleam and...stuff on her...I haven't really thought about it."

"Not possible. You can not grind by that much. Have you considered the move sets, and your strategy? Make some Pokeblocks?"

"Of course, I thought of that horrible little factor. So I suppose Kirlia'd be fine for this. I plan on using these Oran Berries to make pokeblocks for Beauty. And I have a trump card, of course."

"Crescent's going to enter, too. Attract for looks, Sing, Feint Attack and one last move~. And think of the clothes! They're always adorable." Noah walked out of the gym with a badge in his palm.

"So, you return victorious?" I asked, eyeing said badge.

"Yeah! I didn't even lose anyone this time!"

Dusty flipped through some contest magazine. "Noah, shut up. We want to talk about contests. You're entering too; for da ladies."

"Wutt?" he inquired, monotonously. Does that mean utter boredom or is he excited? I'll never know, I guess.

"Yeah and I'm going to win. Steven's going to be there. I don't want have him waste his time," I explained. Realizing how...I dunno...egotistical it sounded, I added, "I mean, it'd be all right not to win, but...Like I said, He's busy as is, I don't want to waste his time."

"Oh, really?" Dusty asked, looking at a map now. Where does she keep all this stuff? "Verdanturf is near Slateport! So Wally can come too! Noah, don't lose. I'll back out this time because Noah can't do anything on his own. He needs his agent!" Noah rubbed his head subconsciously.

"I actually think, granting that all the judges are interested in guys, I am a shoe in past the first round."

Dusty looked over at the gym. "Boom! I'm going to do the Gym now, cause Thoaria's busy. Suck it." She lit Hibiscus on fire, and let her run through the gym. So THAT is how she did it.

Long story short. The gym does not exist anymore. It's just a pile of rubble.

She ran out, covered in soot, a gym badge pinned on her shirt. "I pissed Brawly off too. Gotta run!" Dusty bolted as...cops? Cops chased after her, yelling something about a bounty. Noah just sighed.

"Well. That WAS a nice gym."

"A legit _gym_ at that," I added. Noah lifted a couple of… rather large weights out of his bag.

"At least I bought some weights. This body requires work to maintain."

"I'm sure it does," I muttered. Well, that's interesting...Sand comes in many different shades...

"Anyway, how was Steven?" he asked.

"Steven." What? That is a legit answer. Noah appeared to be looking for a conversation topic in the air.

"Okay... At least that gym wasn't as traumatic as Roxanne's. How did she deal with you by the way?" He was blushing slightly as he said this. Eh?

That was an experience. "I let her Pokemon live so she gave me a golden star sticker. Still feel as special as I did in third grade." I don't enjoy killing other people's pokemon. "Oh and I took a test and got another because perfect score…" Noah's stare was glassy as he looked back at me.

"Err...That is interesting…"

Just then, Dusty came out of nowhere; as per usual. She must have lost the coppers.

" I always get good grades," she stated. "But if I get a B dad yells at me and tells me I'm a disappointment, and a waste of his time. Ha ha! Right. Once he locked me in a closet for an entire day~." That is… extreme. And I thought my dad was crazy...Geez. No wonder they were best friends in school. Dad and Prof. Birch.

"Well, I'm not allowed below 95...There was this one time I missed a science lesson and got a 54 on the test and Mom flipped. Dad was like "Good-Thoaria got a 100 on that test." And I'm like "I had band that period! Flute is important! Scholarship, remember! The goals?" Noah just looked sheepish.

"I didn't exactly go to school…" We ignored him.

_Bless your soul...No years of grueling learning…_

"Your dad is as much as an asshole as mine~," Dusty sang, "He broke all my toys once and called them a waste of time and forced me to do fieldwork. My poor DS... I will remember you."

Noah sighed again. "...And nobody cares."

That isn't true...Wait. What was that Raven was talking about before? ...I guess I'll just ask? What if I don't get an answer? ...Yeah, I'll get one.

"You know...Raven said something about you and mental unrest before. Like...Something's bothering you? She uses the weirdest terms."

"Nothing is wrong!" he replied too fast for it to be believable. "Nothing at all!" Noah proceeded to give out a forced laugh.

"And _nobody_ cares! You know, I was _trying_ to brag about my bad childhood." she laughed mockingly. "It usually makes people feel sympathetic."

_Well...It's really empathy for me…_

I rolled my eyes, looking at Noah. "I'm _~sure~ _it's something petty." Noah looked quickly around. As if searching for a reason to be angry...

"I was jealous because you two seem to have these perfect hubbies, and all the girls care about is my body." He could have come up with a reason that WASN'T complete bullshit...Still...it gave me a bit of feels.

"Well...I'm sure there's someone in the same position out there, feeling the same pain and they understand. Maybe you'll find them someday," Dusty just glared at us, tapping her foot. We were still in front of the gym… wasn't she supposed to be on the run?

"Hmph. Since we're _all_ sharing our _feelings_ now, I couldn't care _less_ about anyone, even you guys. I hate you all!" she laughed again. "And Noah? Stop lying. It's become pretty annoying. Tell us how much you find it pathetic we're taking out families for granted and all these bad things are just how much they love us." His eyes darted quickly to the left.

"Nope. Telling the truth," he pressed, "I was seriously thinking about that."

I shooked my head, deciding to apply my Game Theory skills. "I still don't believe you. When you told us your reason, your eyes drifted to the left. Lying. You're right handed." Noah wrote something on a piece of paper with his LEFT hand. It read:

"Ambidextrous. It doesn't work on me."

"I still think I'm right," I insisted, "Call me a stubborn ass if you want."

Dusty rolled her eyes. "How stupid. You think you can analyze something from his dominant hand. I mean, how does that work?" She turned to Noah, "And perfect? Stop kidding yourself. You need to feel jealous of us. Heh. You need to feel as if we have it all."

_Because reasons and La Noire…. and Game Theory. _

"I wasn't lying," he protested, his eyebrows scrunching together. "You two have these fantasy type relationships, while I get girls because they like my body, and don't care about anything else."

_...If not lying...then...Half truths?_

"You're right...You aren't lying. Not completely anyway." You don't even know how awesome this feels. CIA dreams be coming true...I mean. Awe...So sad… "You're simply relying on half-truths. Telling half the story, the rest a mystery. But we "believe" it. Because it's just true enough."

"Sweet Arceus. You think I am lying?" Yes. Yes I do. "I could have ridiculous, harem sex every single night with a different set of girls every time, but I don't because I actually want a relationship." That probably could happen. Does not make it any less disturbing, but it could happen. Dusty made a hand puppet.

"Blah, blah, blah! Pity me!" The puppet mocked. "I have no parents and girls fall over me at every turn! Look! My friends have perfect relationships! Oh no!" She rolled her eyes, and put her hand down. "You are fucking ridiculous sometimes. You know, you may not realize it, but your parents can be a pretty convenient wall to hide behind. You rely on that pity, you know? Spare me the dramatics. You want a good relationship? Then try to find a girl instead of complaining."

_...Gods. She's such a bitch...Count to ten, Thoaria. Dusty = friend. Dusty = friend...Don't explode…_

"Me? The ridiculous one? What about you? You literally abuse your friends for money and science experiments!" Noah said matter-of-factually. "You try to murder Thoaria with that infernal baseball bat on a regular basis! You hide behind the premise of being some mad genius to get rid of the signs of your true feelings! We are your friends! You can talk to us!"

_...I can't...hold it back..._

"...OH GODS! JUST SHUT UP!" Despite my outburst, they ignored me.

"At least I don't hide it," Dusty sneered. "I told you, you guys aren't my friends. I don't have friends. I don't need them. You're the one who chose to believe that. Oops! Better shut up now."

" ...Then why do you bother staying here?" I yelled. "Why do you follow us around? Huh? And yes, that is something to hide behind, but something like that-whatever happened, whatever it was-must've been hard to come back from." This is killing my sanity. "Still, don't use hardships you've faced as an excuse to do things, act a certain way. I don't want a war." Dusty just laughed.

"Nobody cares, remember? I learned that a lot. Heh. Whatever. You guys are quality entertainment. Why do you think I have to have some sort of hidden feelings and sad past? I don't get humans. People. They're so damn emotional."

_...At least I have emotions. Geez…_

Noah lost it at that point. "EXPLAIN YOUR LACK OF EMOTION TO WALLY THEN! HE DESERVES TO KNOW, YOU FUCKING CRAZY ASS BITCH!" Dusty's expression changed to mock sadness.

"Boo! I blew my cover again. I just don't relate to humans. Ha ha ha! I can't tell him that, though. Might crush the poor guy."

"Normally...I'd be at my wit's end right about now, but surprisingly, I'm not. I'm not going to believe anyone could be so heartless." I frowned at her, trying to come up with something witty. "Though that probably sounds pretty naive to you. There can't be light without a bit of darkness and darkness without light like how the clouds cast shadows on the earth." Noah clenched his fists, and glared death at Dusty.

"Wally loves you. You don't even understand. HE IS TOO GODS DAMN GOOD FOR YOU!"

_I second that thought._

"I thought I established that I don't give a crap," Dusty made another one of her damned hand puppets. "Blah blah blah. Sentimental stuff and philosophy, opinions and thoughts. I thought I could at least make the game last longer this time. Whatever." Noah immediately began striding towards Granite Cave, leaving hasty, deep marks on the sand.

"I AM LEAVING!"

There's was something about what she said that stuck in my mind. "I thought I could at least make the game last longer this time." What did she mean by that?

"_Game?_ W-wait!" Considering my options, I chose to run after Noah.

* * *

><p>The cave was damp and dark, a trickle of water dripping on to the floor with a steady plop. Crumbled rocks covered the floor and the walls looked roughly hewn together, with a few stalactites and stalagmites hanging sheepishly on the edges.<p>

As I wandered farther into the cave, I saw Noah punching the wall. He really was strong. His fists were bloody, thickly coated so you couldn't see the flesh underneath, but there were two huge dents in the cave wall. He could have given Captain America a run for his money in a punching bag competition.

"All right, Steve Rogers, cheer up. No need to break your hands," I said, gesturing towards the wall.

"Cheer up? Do you know what I did for her?" Noah asked. "Do you know why Wally stopped his Philandering ways so suddenly?" I am assuming a severe man to man talk was involved.

I guess I'll have to...be a man? Okay. This is happening.

"And that's why we can't be mad at her. Think. Something must've set her off. An inability to let people in? Something we said? There's a good person in there, she's just a bit lost." Maybe. I think. I try to give people a chance...No matter how much I want to kill them...What?

"Maybe she doesn't want to be found. Wally may kill himself if he finds out. I have to stop him if he tries something stupid." Noah must have done some SERIOUS talking to.

"...You know...Not that Wally killing himself isn't important...But I've been thinking about something she said." I'm going all Sherlock up in this hood.

"How her not having emotions is complete bullshit and that she really does care for Wally?" You have a point there, Noah.

""I thought I could at least make the game last longer this time." She said that." I explained.

"That just proves how she does not care. Seriously. She beat you over the head with a baseball bat, and stuffed you in a bag. You are right. It is time to end this. We are ending her Pokemon before she becomes too powerful." He jumped to that pretty quickly...

_Those poor pokemon don't need to be slaughtered…_

"Woah!" I held my hands up in a "stop" gesture. "Okay, you can look at it that way. Okay. But what I thought doesn't involve her being evil at all. This has obviously...happened before. Again. And each time she tries to prolong it. Cursed? Stuck in a sort of loop? Someone keeps resetting this "game" and sending her new people. She stays the same. We change." Oh, if I were right about all this… Noah began shaking his head.

"...That is not possible. And I have proof."

" Proof? Fine, lets hear it," I allowed Watson to voice his thoughts. "Though I can back my point up as well…"

"This is not sexual in the least." He took off his pants revealing large white scars running up and down his legs. Almost as if someone took a knife to them. They protruded from his flesh like angry, white, mole tunnels. Who could have done this? "Let me ask you something. I want you to feel those." He put my hand on one lower on his thigh. It was rough, and calloused. "Tell me. Are they real? I remember exactly where and when I got these." He pointed a single finger at me. "If I did not exist until I met Dusty, then why could I tell you the exact place I got these? And show you the bloodstains?"

"That's a valid point," I agreed with that one part, "but we found you in a situation I like to call the "Robin Effect". Do you remember how you got there? Why you were there?"

"Yes. I swam the route between Mauville and Oldale. I was running from A Team. I took a nap in the place you found me

_There was emphasis on the "a"...Am I just reading too far into it? Yeah...I am. He probably meant the A Team from that old 80's TV series._

"Then I have another theory. So you remember where and when you got these scars? Maybe this game has been going on for longer than we thought. Maybe it didn't start here in Hoenn. Or when I arrived." I could be so wrong right now, but I don't give. If I'm right...I _totally_ claim bragging rights.

Noah then began to tell a tale. One that will disturb me for as long as I live. "A cave in Lilycove. I could show you where the blood hit the floor every time he cut me. I could show you where he took his most recent "fuck slave."" DAMN. That's harsh. "I could show you where one day he decided I should become a man, and forced me to fuck this poor woman he had stretched on the table. I could show you where I took my first steps out of that hell hole. Are you telling me none of that was real?"

_Crazy hypothesis time, I guess..._

"I'm sure you could. ...I don't know how to respond to that...Sorry if that sounds insensitive. But I can't help but think of one more thing," I explained. "You know how when you get a video game and each character has a programmed backstory? Memories...Family, friends? Now I'm just overthinking it..."

"You are telling me my entire existence is due to some sick asshole's imagination?" Noah asked, seeming to be somewhere between breaking stuff and curling up into a ball and crying. "That he could have made me have a happy childhood? A past that didn't haunt me every time I took off my pants?"

"You know what he gave you with a tragic past, if this is true?" I feel like an old, wise guru right about now…."He gave you a chance at a better future. He let you escape that place. Why do you think he did that? So you could bring terror to others? I don't think so. You're here with us, right now, for a reason."

_Now, go. Go and claim your destiny, Ru-Okay. I'll stop. Need to be serious now. But I just can't find the right words... What can I even give to him, besides pity and cliche words? He deserves more than that._

"You are telling me the girl wasn't real?" What girl? "The girl he wanted to watch me rape?" Oh. That. "The one where I did so that he could be proud of me for once?" Sick...That's sick and twisted. "Her screams for her sister to come help her weren't real? I remember them as real as you are. I won't let that happen to anyone ever again. I will destroy his abomination. I may be here for a reason, but I am by no means a hero." Not a hero? ...I doubt that being possible. But I suppose...

"No one is. Maybe we aren't in a game. Maybe someone-some god-threw together some sick world. But that just makes it all the more fun to rebel…. Oh and thanks...for indirectly telling me what was bothering you…"' Noah looked away, visibly ashamed.

"Do you hate me yet? For my crimes? For what he is? For what he made me do?"

_Hate…? Hate and I aren't very good friends. Now, pie on the other hand…. Focus._

"Do I hate you? Well, I can't exactly put stock in anything I haven't witnessed. So you did some bad things. It happened. But you haven't done anything here and now that would make me hate you." I'm not giving you a pity pass. Don't think that.

He thought for a moment before saying, "Who do you think "he" is? You are smart. If you can even guess correctly, I will tell you why I need to kill him myself."

_Who is _he_? Hm…He said he swam that water route. And "he"...? Well, maybe his dad? Normally, people want to make their parents proud. _

_Okay, that's covered...What about who he is? Well...He was running from a team...or the A Team. Is he Hannibal? Murdoch? Merryweather? Mr. T god forbid? I dunno. Anyway... He had to swim. So that mandates him being part of Team Aqua. _

_In order to be kept and for his dad to have...AHEM...he would need to have a high status. That would make him an admin or the leader of Team Aqua._

Coming to my conclusion, I nodded. "I don't _ever_ back down from a challenge. He's your dad. And your dad is either an admin in Team Aqua or the leader himself."

"Well, you are mostly right. You have narrowed it down to two people. Good job. I guess I can tell you the rest. My father is Archie of team Aqua." He took a breath, bracing himself to continue. I couldn't really find the right words to comfort or help him. "We don't talk about my mother. Mostly because she died, and I look much more like her than Archie. He just sort of snapped after Mom was killed by team Magma.

"The last straw was when he forced me to "become a man." Afterwards, the girl became pregnant if you believe it. I wasn't sure how to feel, but when he was born, I felt so alive for once in my life. Then he came. He said the babe didn't look enough like him, then strangled him to death in front of me." By this point, Noah was full on crying. I felt like it as well...That's just sad and it looks like someone really needs a hug. "I….You don't want me around."

"...Do I have permission to give you a hug?" He had no reaction, so I took it as a yes and did so."Nah, I'mma do it anyway-"

"I am a monster. I don't deserve a second chance…" Noah muttered.

I pulled away and said, "Awe, okay. Fine. No hugs for you."

A sharp, slow clap interrupted the moment, echoing through the cave. "Fun. Nice story. Should I take a picture of this ship?" It was Dusty, her voice dry as she leaned against the wall. Noah glared at her.

"How much did you hear?"

"Thoaria, another piece of evidence is that he didn't say he joined Team Aqua, which points to his dad having the highest position of power to make this decision. Oh! Did you say something, Noah?" She gave him a friendly smile.

"I said you two don't want me around," he explained. "My dad is going to come for me, and when he does you two are going to be slaves _best_ case scenario."

_...So he didn't say anything because he wanted to protect us…_

Dusty sighed. "You're being stupid again, Noah. I would love that sort of thing. I thought Thoaria had at least helped you grow up. Alleviate your pain and all that. Hibiscus, get the bag."

"Okay...How about no bagging people? Thanks." I said. "Here's the thing, I'm not going to become someone's bitch. I'm definitely not ready for that. Plus, I know karate….I don't. It just sounded cool," I added sheepishly.

Dusty snorted, as Hibiscus presented us with a medium sized bag, dark blue with only thin straps for decoration. "And I've travelled all over the region already. I grew up here. What did you think I do in my spare time? Oh, this bag Hibiscus is giving you is full of some medicine for Wally. Got a few experimental cures, but it's mostly to help with the side effects of his disease."

"You must care. How many times have you watched him die?" Noah pressed.

"You're making no sense now. I thought you were smart. But then with your display from earlier... Gotta analyze that some more. Right, got some bitter almond cookies for you and this balm in case you get hurt. Helps with pain." She ignored his comments as Hibiscus offered him a bag of cookies and a green tinted jar.

"You know what? You are right. I never claimed to be smart. But I know hopeless. When I watched my son die before my eyes, I see the same look in your eyes when you look at Wally. So tell me. How many times have you watched him die?" Noah stared calmly at her as Dusty looked back in confusion.

"True. But people don't know themselves. They think they do, but it's hard to get a grasp on who you are, not if you hands with each encounter and experience." She laughed, cold and hollow. "What? I only just met him, Noah. How can I watch him die over and over? Unless you mean metaphorically."

"How many times have you played this game, Dusty? Thoaria has to be right. I am too stupid to think of something that is actually right." Noah just looked down in despair.

"When I said game, I was referring to how many people had come and go in my life. Here's some seals for your contests, Thoaria. And some sheet music. Try it. It's a good song." Why was she giving me things? Hibiscus stood innocently at my side, offering papers and a wooden box of seals.

"Thanks, but you aren't changing the subject. Explain why you tried to push us out? You didn't want to get attached to us-" Dusty cut me off.

"Can I get some fucking room now?" She sighed. "Geez you guys are pushy. Let me put this in terms you understand: I don't give a fuck about anyone. Stop trying to pretend you know me. Stop trying to push your ideals on me."

"I am tired of being a failure. I reserve the right to push." Noah stated.

"No, how about you stop with the act?" I put my foot down, done with all this BS. "Dusty. We aren't stupid. Tell us. Now."

"These people are fun, Hibiscus. They're so stubborn, it's cute. Let's go. I came for what I wanted and now I'm leaving. Bye, bye!" She turned to leave, before stopping for moment, tilting her head so we could only see the side of her face. "Funny thing to note: if I don't care, it can't bother me. I already have a lotta ghosts, anyways. A few more won't bother me."

"Let them bother you." Noah insisted. "That is how you know you are human."

I nodded. "Yeah, the past...Sure most say to forget it, but like Noah said, if you're human, you'll let it haunt you. Involuntarily."

"You're talking in philosophy and I'm using logic." Dusty murmured. This was progress. I guess. "Eh, if you want me to spill a few beans, I'll bite."

"I hope you understand," Noah said as he pulled on his pants. "That what I said was for your benefit. You don't seem to understand what true heartlessness is Dusty. I have seen it. It stared at me all my childhood. You are not it."

"Yada yada yada. I don't need you to tell me what I am or am not. You should know that, of all people. There's a difference between not caring and cruelty, yeah? Well, my beans, let's see... Lana! She used to beat me bloody and blue, kicked me all the time and told me to die. Renae and Diane. They, I think, bullied me. That's whatcha call it, right? Hahaha! Made me swallow a whole Lotad once, burned me up and down my arms. I would show you for shock factor, but eh. Oh! And the teachers hated me cause those two blamed all the trouble they caused on me. That enough? Should I go into family issues too?" Her voice was monotonous, as if she was reciting something for a school project she only half remembered.

"I have listened. I cannot say anything to you that won't dissuade you from your path." Noah lightly brushed his lips across the back of my hand. "Thank you for your support. Your hubby awaits. I am going to see if I can stop my father before he can kill anyone else."

"Eh? I'm on a path? What path? Hibiscus and me, and all the rest, we just travel with the wind. See ya in hell, guys! Fun knowing you." She shrugged nonchalantly, spinning around for a few seconds.

"You're leaving? Oh...I guess...I'll see you in Verdanturf for that contest." I tried to grasp what exactly it was that was happening, not wanting anyone to go. "And you, Noah? You're going as well? To go after the old man? ...You're not going to do any of this alone..."

"In books, the group usually doesn't split up like this." I felt a flame of hope ignite as she said this, until it was brutally extinguished with the next few sentences. "It's after a few more chapters. Fun, this life. Remember to give that to Wally. Not my concern if ya don't."

"Good thing this isn't a book then." Noah said, confirming that he was leaving as well. "I will do whatever it takes to stop my father. I wish you two luck in whatever you guys do." He then took off his shirt, and ran out of the cave. I heard the splash as he hit the water.

"Geez, what a gentleman, didn't even ask if I wanted to help..." So this is it? Why'd this have to happen...? "Go commit suicide, why don't you? ...Wars aren't won alone..."

"Some are. He needs that reassurance, yeah? Buh bye now!" Dusty released a Marill she shouldn't have owned, picked it up and followed Noah's path out of the cave.

I was alone. Our little ragtag group had split apart and I was left standing in a cave, nudging broken rocks with my foot.

"Thoaria!" I heard a familiar voice call. I didn't need to turn to know it was Steven. We're in a cave after all.

"Oh, hey..." I said half heartedly, "Some friends I have...Now they're gone. Gone to pursue things. And I'm by myself. With my pokemon. In a cave. Yay..."

"Who? You were always alone." Steven was confused. Probably because I was by myself when I met him. "Thoaria. I wanted to help you from the beginning. Always so lonely. Come with me. I want to show you something."

"So, what you're saying is, you want _me_ to come with _you _on an adventure? I guess."

_Because, ya know, I don't need to collect badges to wreck Dad or anything...Just explore caves all day, every day. ...Sigh. _

"It may take a few days. Do you have your own sleeping bag?"

"No, I was initially sent here to deliver something to someone, so I thought I'd just come here and give the person the letter and beat Brawly. Haven't done that yet. The letter or beat Brawly." I pulled out the letter and looked at the name on it. It said...

"It is addressed to me..." I handed Steven the letter, which he took gratefully. "Father knows I visit him every week. Why would he send a letter with you?" He opened it without ruining the envelope. Damn. That takes skill. "Uhhh. Do you want to know what it says?"

Oh, you're killing me now. Of course. "Sure. Now I'm all curious about it..."

_"My son. The girl carrying this letter is one of a kind. You should keep your eye on her. You should know that she may just be the most important piece of the puzzle._

_~Dad."_

"Huh. Guy who barely knew me wrote that to you? I certainly feel special now..."

"Apparently you made an impact. I just wonder what puzzle he means. Could he mean Primal Rev...I am getting ahead of myself. You traveling alone?"

"Well, I wasn't until now. I was originally with two others. They went to take care of sh-stuff."

"Really? Never noticed them." Steven stretched, for some reason reminding me of a cute lil skitty when he did. "I feel like I should travel with you. Figure out what this puzzle is."

"I'm sure it'd be fun. To figure out this mystery, I mean. Why not?"

"Maybe we can explore your cave together with my _iron hard _pokemon."

_I still can't tell if he's giving be innuendos or not...Why do I care so much? Oh, right. So I don't worry about shit. _

"My cave? Oh, you mean the ones on Route 111? I wouldn't necessarily say they're mine, but okay!"

"All right, my captain," Steven said, saluting. "Where to first?"

"Um, well..." My thoughts drifted to the gym and then to the pile of rubble it now was. "I sort of need to dig through the wreckage that is Brawly's gym, clear my friend's bounty and get a badge."

"Bounty? On the short one? There is a poster right here. "Wanted dead. 2000000 poke yen." Sheesh. Quite the bounty."

_Over 9000..._

"It looks likes its gone up in the past hour..." I could totally make a profit from this! No...Mustn't kill Dusty. No matter how much I want to. "Hm. That's a problem...This'll be hard. Looks like I'll have to bring out the big guns."

Steven then reddened. Not that powder blush shit, full on red. I could only wonder what he was thinking of. "There is a way to convince him."

_"_And what would that be?" I asked, not liking where this was heading. Next thing I know I'll be in a gym and battling for my virginity, but it won't be blatantly stated, just implied.

"He always had a weakness for gambling," Phew good, gambling. "He also has always had a weakness for... Teenage girls. Especially as gym trainers in those uniforms he makes them wear. A huge perv." SHIT. FUCK. FUCK. SHIT.

_..._

Steven continued. "I have a plan that could work. But it would require exploiting both his weaknesses... And you won't like it. But it is the only way you can get the bounty off of your friend's head."

...

I sighed, planting my face into the wall. "Why, Arceus?! I can't believe I'm doing this for her...She tried to kill me various times! Ya know what? Fuck it." Yay...I'm going to try and seduce Brawly… "

* * *

><p>"There is a place right on the beach! But... Ahem. Um... Ah..." Steven seemed to become even more red than he already was. I'm terrified.<p>

"Yes...?" I asked, trying to remain calm.

He pinched the bridge of his nose in obvious disgust. "All they sell is a string suit. I have one with me though, but the top... Is too small. Where do you want to go with this?"

"Why the fuck...Ahem. Why...exactly do you have that with...you?" I eyed the purple monstrosity. It even had sequins. _Sequins_! That just screams terrifying!

"A friend asked me to hold onto it for her," he explained. "It's this or the string stuff they sell here."

_Holy fuck...This is really happening. _

"It's either too small and revealing or not enough and revealing. Sparkles it is."

"Here." He handed me the suit. "I'll...let you change!" Steven then ran out of the cave, leaving me to change among the shadows. I cast off my clothes and started pulling it on.

_What am I doing with my life? Why am I even...? Oh. Right. Dusty. I'm going to murder her and her blood will splatter across the stones that line the shores of the rivers of Hell. Nice beachside property there..._

"Are you done yet?" His voice was muffled as he called from the outside.

I tied the annoying straps around my neck and back, both of which burned into my skin. "Fucking...suit..." I looked down at myself as I stepped out of the cave. "Can't...breathe..."

"I was right! You would make a perfect model!" I really wouldn't, Steven. "But... I am sorry for not having a top bigger. It looks painful."

_You don't even know the worst of it. _

"Oh...It's fine. Nothing I can't...handle."

_Think of the Speedos, Thoaria…_

"Are you breathing okay? Don't breathe too deeply. It may pop off."

I felt my face heat up at the thought of that happening. "Raven knows Teleport. Escape route's a go-"

"That move doesn't work in gyms," he interrupted.

_That's utter BS!_

"Morgan Freeman magic?"

"What is that?"

"Never mind…"

We stood in an awkward silence. Steven seemed to have a newfound interest in ro-Oh, wait, he already had one. After a while, he spoke up.

"Just for the record... Your looks...They are making me feel strange right now."

_...Making you feel strange? Dafuq? Do I really…? Nah. It's just to make me feel better about doing this. _

…_.Right?_

"...Thanks?"

He looked away, muttering. "I'll get over it…" Steven then looked up. "Let's go get Brawly!"

"...Yeah."

_Fuck...This isn't going to end well. Why do I has this feeling of dread hanging over me?_

* * *

><p>As we entered the gym, I was reminded of ancient ruins. Mostly because of the rubble. And the smell of death and burnt flesh. ...Is that a hand?! Apparently, lost body parts limbs are used for interior design.<p>

_As if it weren't terrifying enough already…_

"Hello, Steven! Haven't seen you in ages!" Brawly bellowed. "You were my first challenge if I recall correctly."

"Yes." Steven nodded, gesturing to me. "My friend wants to challenge you."

"Good! Bring them…" He caught sight of me and...well, his nose started bleeding, apparently. "Duh…"

_You've got...Why did I even have to wear this swimsuit in the first place? The gods hate me at this moment in time, don't they? What did I do…? I'm half expecting Arceus to show up again._

"Yo!" I yelled. "Earth to assface!"

"I like you. You know what?" he smirked creepily. "Are you a fan of gambling Miss...Hooters?"

_OH, YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME. He's not the quiet type? Frick..._

"No...but I need to get rid of someone's bounty…" That gaze is terrifying… "You know her. She blew up your gym."

Something flickered in Brawly's eyes. "Heh. You know what? I'll make you a deal. If you win, you get to have whatever you want, plus a badge! But if I win…"

"If you win…?"

He grinned evilly. "I want you to be my gym trainer." The way he said it just oozed suggestiveness. Immediately, the entire population of girls in Hoenn covered their chests defensively.

"Then I guess I won't lose. Sorry, but I'm saving my virginity." I gave Steven a backwards Girl Scouts/Mockingjay hand sign. He raised a brow.

_Read between the lines, dearie._

"Heh. That's what they all say. But they end up there anyway."

_Oh, we'll see about that you little-but-not-little pervert!_

"Thoaria!" Steven said abruptly. "I forgot to mention something!"

_Godsfuckingdammit, Steven…_

I sighed. "What? Before I decide, please."

"This is your only chance, but he is undefeated against women he has made that bet with."

_If I come out of this alive, we'll be missing a champion...WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS SOONER?!_

Chill. Deep breath, Thoaria. Don't panic… "Well, last I checked, I'm not exactly a "woman" yet. Someone's got to end this. And it'll be me."

"Errr... Check your curves again. They say differently."

"I'm a minor, smart ass. Not legally an adult."

"What are you talking about? Adult age is ten."

"It wasn't in Joh-"

"Less talking!" Brawly interrupted. "I want you in my b- I mean my gym trainer as long as possible!" He then pointed at my top… "That looks painful. Why don't you take it off first?"

_Why don't I rip off your manhood and shove it down your throat so hard that you won't know if you're choking or dying from blood loss or both! …_

…

_Sorry, I'm terrified..._

I tried to swallow my fear and pulled an Inigo, pretending to be all brave. "Hmph. Hope I don't bruise your pride…" Dammit, did that sound shaky? Did I show weakness?

"Once I am done with you…" I suddenly feel sick...Can you take a raincheck? No….? "Your pride won't be the only thing that is black and blue. I have yet to see anyone beat me when I am looking for groupies!" I'm gonna throw up…

"Ah…" Steven seemed to feel a bit guilty. "Just don't lose…"

_Gee, thanks...Can't I just kick him and be done with it?_

"GO MACHOP!" Brawly sent out the gray fighting type.

Brawly moved from where he was and stopped next to me, standing there creepily. ...I'm getting bad vibes from this...

"While I am at it..." He began preemptively squeezing the air... OH GODS! Thank you for stopping him Steven. I love you for that... Did I just type that out loud? Still...I didn't get to punch him...No fair...

"If you fight dirty..." Steven threw Brawly's hand to the side. "She can call on my help."

"Cockblock."

"Rapist." Steven fired back.

_Can you just beat him up for me now?_

"Wow...Feel _~so~ _loved. I mean...Thanks."

"The faster you get your Pokemon out the faster I get you bent... I MEAN um... The faster I can get your uniform picked out! How do you feel about being a Neko?" He grinned, his eyes settling in all the WRONG places.

"I don't like Nekos….Um…" I grabbed Raven's pokeball from out of no where and set her out. "Go, Raven." Raven bowed and spun, which got pretty annoying after a while.

"A puny fairy? We know how to deal with that!" He pointed at Machop as if hyping for some huge move. "Use Bulk up!"

_...Must be a pretty lame pokemon if it has to use steroids…_

"Raven! Confusion and Magical Leaf! Make a shell…!"

"Power up punch the shell!" The purple holding up the leaves wavered a moment, but the shell still held up. Machop looked pretty intense now though, a deep red aura surrounding him like an angry, red, translucent, second skin.

_The shell's obviously weakened, so one more hit from it would break it and possibly hurt Raven...It's attack was also already raised two stages. This could get dangerous. I have to end this quickly._

"Now! Confusion one more time!" I pointed at the scary little demon. "Attack! Direct the leaves at Machop!"

_If worst comes to worse, I can have her use Draining Kiss..._

"Dig!" The Machop used the unexpected move, but the leaves followed. "Pretty girl, do you think I was born yesterday?"

"Actually, no. I'm very well aware of your skill…"

The Machop came out of the ground, flipped over Raven, and placed her in between Machop and the leaves. They struck Raven, cutting her all over her body.

"Raven! Use Draining Kiss while you're close!" Raven turned around and tried to kiss the Machop.

"Duck and use seismic toss!" The Machop tackled, then threw the poor Kirlia against a charred pillar stunning it. She shook her head to clear it, only to see a glowing red fist slam into her face.

_It's attack rose another stage...That's three... This is getting out of hand._

"Good power up punch Machop!" He eyed me critically. "I think a purple Neko suit will be excellent for my bon- I mean my gym's image!"

_Ignoring that very disturbing imagery...Wait...Kirlia have the ability to distort the air around them with psychic energy to create mirages. They can also look into the future…_

"Raven. Use your special power. You know what I want you to do!" Raven looked at me from across the field and nodded sagely. About a dozen copies appeared from Raven. The only problem was that she could not attack while this was going on. Too much mental energy was being used to keep up the illusion.

"Einee meanie miney..." He pointed at the third one from the right. "That one Machop! Use power up punch again!" All of the images disappeared meaning that he guessed correctly and Kirlia needed a desperate attack.

"Raven! Confusion!" Raven's hit was successful, exploding the head of the grey monster with pink gore splattering the charred black ground. The grey monster would not even let death stop his advance. His body slammed into Raven's left arm, ripping it from the rest of her body with a spray of slightly lighter blood.

_OH GODS! RAVEN! NO YOU CAN'T DIE!She will live. Okay. Minus one arm. Oh gods... I am going to throw up. That is too much gore. That is my Pokemon is one image that will never leave my mind. This asshole is going to pay._

"Hurry Raven! Return!" I glared at the gym leader with rage filling my every cell. "How dare you?" He seemed to have no remorse.

"Damn. I missed," was all he said as he gauged my reaction.

"You lose a pokemon and you even give it a second thought...People like you make me sick. So what? You have tons of the same pokemon...Still you should feel some remorse, you sick bastard."

"Heh. Enter Makuhita." A pudgy bag with eyes and fists popped out of the pokeball. He slammed his fists together and glared at me.

_Okay, so there's Dustox, Abra, Combusken or Swellow. Abra's a bit weak...So, Hawk, it is..._

Hawk the Swellow appeared in a flash of light, stamping his clawed feet impatiently.

"Let me show you a magic trick." Bad memories from the Dark Knight came flooding back. "Try and get me. Use Bulk Up!" The bag puffed out his chest and flexed his chub.

_Normally I'd say that's a waste..but no need to offend him more than he does by existing… _

"That again? Alright, Quick attack!" Hawk streaked towards the punching bag, tearing off some scraps of skin to reveal orangish, yellow blood.

"Counter Makuhita!" Hawk's beak bent back at an odd angle. I'm not sure if I want to keep him out after that hit...

"Okay, Hawk. Looks like we're making a gamble of our own. Return!" I called back Hawk and sent out Silkie the Dustox. I had a sense of foreboding as Brawly threw back his head and laughed.

"A bug to squash flat!"

Steven looked horrified, as if some past memory came back to him. "Get her out of there!"

"Wait...Sh-" I started, realizing that I hadn't considered what Makuhita's move set may be.

"Too late!" He tossed a TM end over end in the air and caught it. "I got this move from Roxanne. Makuhita!" He pulled a horrifying parody of the Phoenix Wright pose. "Make his cairn! Rock Tomb!" Silkie's clear, sticky blood splattered the floor. Severed pieces of her yellow antenna flew up into the air, a wing half torn and thrown my way. I could almost make out her squished, mangled eye.

"Stupid.. I'm so... Stupid! I didn't think that through at all!" Wasn't I the gym leader's kid? Wasn't I supposed to know strategy and epically turn the battle with one well placed move" Brawly began squeezing the air suggestively.

"Prepare yourself my good little _cat_," he sneered as Silkie's blood still seeped through the pile of rocks. It was as sickening as if it had just happened. He licked his lips in anticipation.

_I can't lose anyone else...Starfire can handle this. She's a combusken now. She has a flying type move. _

"I don't take kindly to name calling, _sir_." The comment was supposed to be sarcastic, but Brawly only creepily licked his lips and stared at the wrong places again.

"How about we up the ante? You have to refer to me as _Master Brawly._ And you will have to be my bath servant. You will have to do whatever I say. but if you win... I will give you information vital to your success. How bout it? Double or nothing?"

"I won't fail. I believe I can win this and if I lose, she would have died for nothing."

"Well, Maid? I am waiting!"

" Hope you have plan B ready Steven...Okay. I accept. You're...I'm not going...Whatever you said." The horror...I don't want to be someone's _servant_. Especially not a BATH servant. "I'm the daughter of Norman...This would certainly dishonor my family. Even if they're all complete nut jobs."

"AS IF! I have met Norman! He cares more about his precious vigoroth than anything. He wouldn't care if I killed you right here. Anyway, I am trembling in anticipation of all the things I will order you to do." A creepy shudder of ecstasy moved over his entire body.

I couldn't let go of what he said and just how much of it was fact. It certainly hurt, but...I still want to prove myself to my dad. Get him to notice me for once.

"You won't even be able to think of any before I'm done wrecking your makuhita." I pulled out Starfire's pokeball and muttered my favorite empowerment phrase. "Starfire...Beastmode." Brawly looked at me with a different sort of respect. A sort of respect that made him seem human.

…

Almost.

"Hm. A fighting type. I can respect that. Too bad it belongs to my _servant. _Use power up punch!"

_...Starfire could blind it with ember….Maybe if she just jumped over…_

"Super sorry~." I have never been more insincere in my life. "Starfire, jump! Ember! Burn it's eyes! Then peck!"

The fire fell over makuhita's eyes like a wave. He let out a scream as he rubbed his eyes with his arms. When he looked back up, his eyes had the pale murkiness of the blind. I had crippled my last obstacle. This should be a cakewalk.

"That is a fighting type! How did it get... Sky uppercut." His own moved missed, due to his makuhita being blinded by the flames. Even though the pokemon couldn't see, it managed to dodge Starfire's peck. "You almost had me panicking there, _maid._"

_...This is going to be reckless, but maybe if I do this, he'll begin to underestimate me._

"Think that's the best we can do? flame charge!" Starfire looked at me in confusion, but still complied. ...This really is stupid.

"NO! Is what I would say, but COUNTER! I usually am pretty laid back. But you are my future _slave_." I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. "I don't usually fight this hard. It almost feels as good as se- working out!"

_If I send abra in, she'll be able to do little...normally. Since makuhita is blinded, Psylocke should be able to win this and maybe evolve..._

"...Starfire...Return." I said with mock defeat. Turning to Steven, I muttered. "You think I have him fooled into thinking I'm stupid?"

"Think about how tight your cat's collar will be... How hard I will pull your leash... Neko slave."

"Judging from that, yes." He muttered back, then louder: "Does Hawk know air cutter?"

"_I wish!_" I replied equally loud, trying to sound like I was out of options.

"It knows rock tomb, remember?" He tried to sound as condescending as possible. It worked; I knew he was acting, but my feelings were still a bit hurt. "Try abra."

"If I must... She'd just die instantly. Maybe from a strong power up punch…."

Steven grabbed my wrist, and tapped something in morse code. I love secret agent stuff, so I naturally knew how to translate it. It said:

"You have this."

_...I can't express how much feels I'm getting from this. Or how much I'm holding back one of those stereotypical fangirl squeals...This is out of character...BUT I DON'T CARE. I mean that's so cute! Did he just assume that I'd know morse code?! He's just so-_

"So _Neko Slave_? Tell me. How tight will I make your collar?" Brawly looked smug.

_He interrupted... He die now._

Steven tapped another message:

"Still stupid. Play it off."

"Realllly wish I was awesome enough to have comeback right now. ...How about no? And no. And no?" Steven wanted stupid? I would act stupid.

"You accepted the bet. The champ is here as witness. It is legally binding." Brawly obviously thought he had won.

"Oh? That's a thing now? That's great…"

"Yeah it is... Sorry Thoaria."

"I thought you had more of a taste in intellectual girls, Steven! Oh well. She will be my Neko Slave, so you won't be able to keep that shallow whore anymore." Steven dug his fingernail into my wrist. He quickly released when he realized I was in pain.I shook my head to show it was all right.

"...Then I guess I'll have to send this one out. Go Psylocke!" The sleepy Psychic type sat very still and just floated there.

"Use power up punch to make quick work of him." Brawly wasn't even paying attention to the battle; he was staring at my... wrong places. As if he were mentally undressing me.

Makuhita missed its attack, because, you know, blinded eyes and teleporting abra. I felt bad for blinding it, and a small part of me wondered if I was just as bad as Brawly for hurting it like that... No way in hell. ...Right?

"You want to know how abra survive since they sleep so much? Because they have the ability to teleport while asleep. By instinct." I decided to give him a lesson on abra. "Abra can give the illusion of having copies as well since they teleport if anything approaches them while they are sleeping."

Brawly sneered. "Cool story, Neko Slave. You can... entertain me with them while I'm busy... giving orders. Kill it!" This was to his makuhita, who blindly aimed at where it perceived Psylocke was. But, as luck, Morgan Freeman and Arceus (who was a complete asshole, so probably not him) would have it, Makuhita punched a ruined wall, spiderwebbed with cracks, and it shook before collapsing on top of him, dust, rocks and charred wood crushing him to death. There was an awful little squeak and then the crunch of bones and a squish of soft tissue and flesh compressed together.

_Just as planned~ Because I totally wanted that to happen. I love it when a plan comes together._

"Hah! Suck my ass, Brawly!" I hugged Psylocke, who had evolved into a sleepy looking kadabra and fell asleep on the floor… "YOU GOT WRECKED."

"You are right, you want to hear my advice?" He pulled down his pants revealing a... Thing. Because he didn't wear underwear, apparently. That's just revolting. "I am a sore loser."

He jumped at me-why am I not running?-but apparently forgot Steven was there. Steven caught him by the throat, and threw him against the wall.

"Why don't you play with Metang?" The Pokemon appeared next to him, a mass of levitating bluish metal. "Lock on."

_My brain has exploded. I can't. I. Can't. It's too much! How valiant! How sweet! How-_

"No! Please!" He backed away from the hulking Pokemon.

"Drill run." As the Pokemon used the vicious move, Rivers of blood flew through the air and splattered all over everything, accompanied by muscle tissue and pinkish intestines. A carcass of bloodied flesh fell to the ground, limp. Steven calmly returned his bloody Pokemon to his pokeball. "Your contract has been terminated."

I pumped my fist. "HELL YES! ….You killed someone...BUT HELL YES! COME ON! UP TOP!" I extended my hand, waiting for him to high five me back. "C'mon...Don't leave me hanging."

Steven looked nervously at my hand, as if I just proposed to him. The awkward silence hung in the air for a long while. And because I was such a people person, I blurted the first thing that came to mind.

"So, you're a secret agent? How'd you know I knew morse code? Lucky guess?" He tapped another code into my skin.

"Informed guess actually."

"Keeping track of gym leaders and ending them if they get too corrupted is part of the job description." That was what he said aloud as he tapped. "Although, usually we work in pairs. My last partner died recently to team Magma. He brought the info that Brawly was connected with his last breath as he died in front of me."

"Oh, poor guy…Your partner, I mean. At least, in a sense, you got even...I think..."

"That was only for what he did to you. You make me feel weird... Almost as if..." He pressed his lips hard against mine.

…_.Did he just? ….Wutt? _

He jerked back just as quick as he had kissed me, giving me a strange, nervous look. "I am so sorry! I don't know why I did that!"

…_That just happened….THAT JUST HAPPENED. Is feeling weird like this normal? I can't breathe. I can't fucking breathe. Asaddfsffsdfsdf….I just thought that...OH GODS..._

"Well, I want to extend the invitation for you to become my partner in investigating the crimes of teams Magma and Aqua." He extended a single hand. Was he just pretending that kiss did NOT just happen?

"...Um." I guess I'll just pretend to... "Sure, I guess that'd be fun."

"You are the missing piece. That is what my father said. He put it perfectly. It can only be you," he said solemnly. "So that is a yes? Great! We will join the annals of the great investigators! Along with Looker and Cynthia from Sinnoh! Although... They ended up getting married..." He gave his head a quick shake. "What is wrong with me?"

"I dunno. Maybe a fever? You look a bit red there, Steven..." Of all the cliches...

"Why am I so drawn to you?" He moved so that our faces were only inches apart. I certainly wasn't pulling back.

"I'm afraid...I can't answer...that."

He did not answer, but his lips danced across mine with skill that only came with practice. He put one hand in my hair, and the other on my back. He pushed on the back of my head, deepening the kiss, and let our tongues dance together for a moment. He quickly then pulled away, leaving me wanting more.

_This can't be put into words, so I'll give you an image...And there it was. Because I can't come up with one._

"Why does this keep happening?" A little jolt of feeling ran through my body as he kissed my nose. "I am not meaning..." My forehead got a little zap of pleasure. "To do these things!" Another quick little kiss to the lips had my head reeling with the clouds.

"I dunno…But I...um...don't mind..."

"I don't understand! What is this feeling?"

Another deep kiss kept my brain somewhere between fangirl, and lala lands. "...Dude, chill...It's fine…"

"Are you feeling the same way?" He was still holding me... Oh gods.

"..." Wow, he has really pretty eyes….

"Do you feel it too?" His eyes looked deeply into mine.

"I do…" I muttered, thinking I might be having a sunstroke or something.

"I.." Was all he got out before I initiated the kiss this time. My lips were slowly becoming less clumsy at this game. I pulled away and decided to issue a warning.

"You know...You're lucky...I would've killed anyone else by now…" I am being _very_ serious here. I would've, but this is Steven... As it were, he took the hint, and went no farther.

"I AM SO SORRY! It feels like something else is taking control." He is still holding me... Can we just stay this way forever?

"You're such a dork..." He pressed his forehead onto mine. Our eyes were centimeters apart.

"Is that a good thing?" He whispered. His left hand began tracing hearts onto my back. His subconscious knew what was going on, but he did not? Also, I was getting heart shaped patterns of goosebumps on me. His fault. Everything he does just makes me feel good.

"I have a thing for dorks...So, I suppose it is..."

"Is that what this is? A thing?"

"A "thing" is a word for it."

"But we are partners." He looked confused.

"So we are. And…?"

"I certainly did not have this sort of feeling with my old partner." I groaned mentally. He still didn't get it.

"Well, uh, he was a guy...I'm not."

"I don't understand what is going on but... Erm... I want to keep you in my arms forever."

I felt the cold finger of night tracing a line down my spine. It was in that moment that I realized that I was a bit underdressed. And the sequins were beginning to chafe my skin.

"Can you just for a moment? I need to...uh...get clothes on?"

"Oh yeah! We left them in Granite Cave! Come on!" He pulled me behind him, and there we ran down the beach, hand in hand against the bright sunset.

That would be a perfect place to end, if it were the end of my adventures of that day. We reached the cave, and Steven peeked inside. Immediately, he looked back to me laughing.

"You have to see this!" I walked in, and saw a small itty bitty Makuhita running around the cave with his arms extended like the wings on a jet. On his head, instead of aviator's goggles, rested my yellow bra. Wait a second...

"Wow…"

"Maku?" The Makuhita looked at me with surprise at finding me.

"Um, lil Maku? That's sort of mine..."

"Maku." He pulled at the clasp on the bra, but could not do anything because of his lack of fingers.

"...Do you want me to help?"

"Maku!" He bobbed his head appreciatively.

"Okay, Lil Maku, let's see here." I unclasped the double hooks and pulled it off. Released from his...confines, I guess, he ran in and gave me a bonecrushing hug. "Gah! Too tight!"

"Maku." He said, pulling out a matching set of yellow panties from a bag next to him. He looked conflicted on where to place the new item, but finally settled on using it as an armband. Steven could not stop laughing.

"Oh, shut up…." I grabbed the underwear.

"Sorry! Just too cute!"

"Hita!" He stood and turned. I then saw something that made my blood run cold. On his back were scars like the ones I saw on Noah's legs, but unlike his, they formed rough words. Noah claimed that those were the marks of a knife. If so, then Brawly liked to carve his name into things. It said: property of Brawly.

Frowning, I looked to Steven. "...Steven? Do you have any bandages...I don't want to see that on this pokemon's back."

"I don't either, but those won't be fading for a while. They are pretty recent. The only way to remove them would be to cut him again, and I don't want to do that."

"Of course not...At least this lil' guy is free now."

"Much good that will do him. He is still just a baby." Steven rubbed his head. "He won't live long on his own." I picked up the little Pokemon. He was a lot heavier than I expected.

"...We can't leave him. Right, Maku? You'll die in here..."

_He's so cute~_

"Did you already catch a Pokemon here?" Steven asked me. Fuck you, Abra.

_If there were a table, I would flip it._

"Ehh…." I looked at Psylocke's pokeball. "No?"

"That abra you won with against Brawly only appears here. You must have." He pulled a pokeball off of his belt. "I will take him." The little baby boy disappeared into the pocket dimension. Steven looked at me. Gods damn he looked hot right now.

"I guess we'll have to take care of him together." Steven just smiled back.

"Yeah. Come on out Maku!" The little guy came out, and did something I would never have expected in a million years.

"Hiya! You must be my new daddy and mommy!" I understand him? Steven caught him! How do I understand?

"...Um, "mommy"?"

"You can understand me?" He considered the new development. "But he caught me! ...I guess that really makes you my mommy!" What the hell is going on?

"They say that if two people have enough chemistry together, they can understand each other's Pokemon. I... This is love?" I have no words on how long it took him to figure it out...

"Yes, Dorkles. You figured it out…"

We kissed yet again, and despite this one not being the longest, it meant the most. We knew we had found each other, and that was all we needed. Even if it took a little push from a certain Pokemon.

* * *

><p><strong>...I did it, guys! 44 mins over the due date though...It's a freaking 12704 words, what do you expect?...Sorry about that! Um...Well, I try and forget the first two chapters...I hope this was a step up. Originally, this was intended to just be done. We-well, I-didn't really care how it came out and was thinking of the enjoyment not what was really wanted. So as you see, work was put into this. Tons of it. So, shame me. I didn't take this seriously enough and now I have been enlightened. Mostly because Noah kept bugging me about it.<strong>

**If you find any grammar mistakes or anything, please tell me and I'll be sure to go back and fix it!**

**I promise you that the next chapter will be out on time or a certain someone might just...Feel Noah's wrath. You know who you are~**


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